Castiel X Nathaniel Paradox
by MemphisMayfireManiac
Summary: Nat and Castiel were bi-polar opposites. They despised each other or did they really? Long, ago the two had been best friends until, one day or rather one girl changed everything. Castiel determinedly held onto his resentment for him for it was all he had left of her.
1. Chapter 1 Lying to the Mirror

The day began like any other, the school bell sounded. Castiel remained stationary in his courtyard. He took a long drag of his cigarette. How he detested mandatory things like attending school and going to class day in and out. Just to listen to some bitch or bastard drone on and on about useless nonsense. That he could care less about. The very thought of this made his head throb.

He sighed as he inhaled yet another puff of the cigarette. His mind started to wander due to sheer boredom. At the moment, he stuck his hand in his jacket pocket absentmindely. He discovered that once again he'd left his damn keys at home.

_Of course, I did. I let out a sigh of pure annoyance. I'm as forgetful as Lysander. So much for an easy way out._

"Fuck!" The curse rolled of my lips.

Now, He'd have to stroll on over to the student's president's office in order to get a late pass. Worst, of all He'd have to deal with the goody- goody student principal. Seeing Nathaniel was like having all the blood drained out of his body. It would cause him to literally shake with anger. To say that that he loathed Nathaniel just wasn't enough. He detested Nathaniel with every bone in his body.

Castiel's blood would boil. Steam practically blew out his ears. He just knew that Nathaniel's eyes were sure to glaze over at him. Annoyance would flicker through his eyes.

_If only they didn't otherwise, his eyes glowed as bright as beacons. He'd smile cutely and his eyes would shine. Next, his bangs would all fall almost covering his eye. In, the most adorable way. His clothes clung to his skin ever so perfectly._

Just, then a burning sensation grazed my skin dragging me away from my daydream. I leapt back a foot.

"Ow! Shit!" I muttered to myself

I glanced down at my finger to see what damage had been done. I had burnt the tip of my finger. I guess that's what I get.

My cheeks felt warm. Surely, enough a bright red had arose on them. It was all because, of him. I stomped out my cigarette and kicked it aside.

_There is no escaping this is there? I mostly asked myself. I desperately wished for a way to avoid Nathaniel. For a moment, I pondered my options well, I could sit at home all day but, that would suck majorly. Calling a locksmith just sounded stupid in general. The only spare key remained at Lysander's. I have no choice._

So, I headed onto Nathaniel's office. He was only in charge of

the late passes due to budget cuts. Personally, I'd like to put him in charge of cleaning the bathrooms. At, least I don't have to deal with our physco principal. Nathaniel was only slightly better than her.

As, I reached for the doorknob , Nathaniel opened the door. I jumped back in suprise. My heart raced wildely.

"Ah, Castiel you caught me just in time. I suppose you need a late pass."

"No, I just came to chat." I scoffed at him._ No, I actually just came here to see your pretty face._

"Do, you always have to be such a smart ass?"

"Do, you even have to ask?" a smirk fell upon my lips

Nathaniel scowled and shook his head. As, if to say this isn't worth my time. He turned around and stood over his , dropped his books carelessly and here I thought he loved were almost enough books there to hide his face.

He was dressed in his usual attire, a white button-up shirt with his usual light blue tie and his brown dress pants. Paired with black dress shoes. In my opinion, his always dressed for church on the other hand , I tend to dress as If I'm attending a funeral but, my point is still valid nevertheless.

He searched for the slips. Frustation fumed in his chest. I'd seen that look in his eyes a million times.

"I just had them. Give me a minute!" He said in a snippy tone.

"Its fine." _A lump formed in my throat. Why , must you be so enchanting?_

"I'm suprised you didn't ditch."

"Lucky for you, I forgot my keys."

"How'd you lock your door then?"

"Its an automatic lock smart one." I rolled my eyes.

"Ah, here we are!" He exclaimed. "Now , I just need a pen."

I crossed my arms " Try, your shirt." I remarked. I couldn't help but, roll my eyes.

Nathaniel slipping up now that was rare. He was usually on top of everything. Taking It all in stride even when, I lashed out at him.

"Ah, o-o-of course." He smiled nervously, a faint blush graced his cheeks.

He wrote me a pass. As, I grabbed for It, he saw my burnt finger.

"What, happened to your finger?"

"I accidently burnt myself."

"How? Oh wait, nevermind I can smell the smoke on you." His face twisted in disgust at the stench.

He added "On, school grounds again?" The look he gave me seemed to say Really, Castiel?

"Yeah." I smirked at him

"Were you daydreaming?"

"Something like that." I blushed. As, I briefly flashed back to my daydream. _Why did he out of all people make my heart pound?_

Just, then the door swung open and Lysander walked in.

"Hi, Castiel."

"Hey."

"Hi, Nathaniel ,I'm running a little late today."

"Castiel, Castiel are you dragging down Lysander with you?" Nathaniel taunted me. He smiled mischievously. _That... That arrognant bastard! _

Lysander's face reddened. _Jealousy coursed through my veins. What in the hell is going on here?!_

"What?...no." I turned scarlet involuntarily. _I swear he did it on purpose. Who does he think he is!_

He wrote Lysander a note while, wearing a warm smile.

"Its quite alright Lysander." He handed him the pass

_This was madness. I felt insanely jealously and ready to explode. Why his being so nice to Lysander? Nathaniel is such a prick! Why do I even care?_

"So, if Lysander needs a pass Its all honky dory but, If I need one you give me shit!" I growled

"Castiel..." Lysander began. He grabbed me and dragged me out the door before, I could screw things up further. Which, was for the best.

"Lysander, I wasn't finished." I snarled

"Why, are you so mad?" He asked, confused by my actions.

"Because, Nathaniel's a prick!"

"He was only teasing you know."

"I don't see why your friends with him!" I shot back at him.

" I wish you two would get along." He sighed

"So, do I." I turned redder. Curse this tongue of mine.

"I thought you hated him?"

I couldn't speak. My mouth refused to form words.

"What Is it? Is something wrong?"

"So, anyways do you by chance have my spare key with you." _Maybe He'll forget and I'll get out of this._

"No, Its at home ,don't change the subject!"

"I...I can't say it."

"Well, if you wanna spend time with him you could ask him to help you study."

"That's not a bad idea. There is one problem with It though why would he do anything for me?"

" He will, If you ask him nicely."

"Ugh, I knew there was a catch. I'll come over after school to get my key."

" Okay, good luck with Nathaniel." He teased me with a small smile on his lips.

"Shut up Lysander!" I ruffled his hair and spun around to leave.

"Hey, that's not cool!"

" You started It!"

/

I waltzed into the classroom. I handed my teacher my late slip. Then, I took my seat. Shortly, after I arrived. Nathaniel entered the room and sat beside me. Seeing as It was the only available seat._ Damn, my luck._

"I'm sorry about earlier."

"I don't wanna hear it." Good going Castiel.

"What, did I even do?"

_I tried my best to force myself to just simply say forget It but, It just wasn't in my nature. Holding my tongue, just wasn't me. I'm blunt and to the point. _

" You know damn well ,what you did!" I scoffed

"Forget It." He whipped his head away in a sharp motion.

_Guilt swept through me. Sweat dripped down my chest. Then, top It off my concious tugged at me. My heart sank to the bottom of my stomach. Next thing, words flowed out my mouth against my will. Desire overtook my senses._

"Nathaniel."

"Ughh... What?!" His eyes pierced into mine. I saw agitation threatening to slip out of him.

"Pissy. Uh, well I was wondering If you would be willing to help me in math. Please, I'd only need a few study sessions." 

_To me ,please has always been a desperate word. When, was the last time I even said please. I couldn't recall. If he doesn't cave then, I might just lose It. This is so demeaning. Like, he'll really help me. Lysander was dead wrong. I have never felt so humilated In all of my life infact, I felt mortified. I struggled due to a sudden wave of intense nausea._

_I fought to keep a blush down. To do so, I was forced to ironically bite my tongue. It was like surpressing a scream. You know you need to let It out and just scream. But, the time you do your screaming as If your a mad man. _

He thought on It. Weighing the negatives and the positives. Also, the fact that Nathaniel felt flattered by Castiel's request because, Castiel seemed like he cared about school and his bad boy exterior chipped away. Noone was forcing Castiel to come to Nathaniel. Also, Castiel did say please. So, perhaps the arrangement could work.

Then, he answered " Well...only If you promise to show me respect."

"Fine, Is that all? I promise. So, are you free tommorrow?" _That's a high price but, I'll take it. I inwardly grinned. Nathaniel had agreed and I didn't even have to black mail him._

"Yes."

"Alright, I'll meet you in the courtyard after school can study at my place."

"Just, remember to bring your keys." He grinned

"Oh, shut up!" I glared at him.

He chuckled.

"Nathaniel, I suppose your conversation is more important then, My lesson. Have you been paying attention?" The old broad asked him.

"Well, I can't tell a lie. Not exactly, . I'm actually ahead in my work by a few lessons."_ I was in disbelief ,how did he do that?_

"Thank you, for not lying. I admire your honesty. Now , Castiel have you been listening?"

"Well, teach. I've been looking at you this whole time. Are those new shoes? I really like those colors on you. Have you done something new with your hair?" I smirked

"Yes, I got them on sale. Why, thank you. Yes, I got it cut recently and I got highlights." She smiled and flipped her hair.

"How, did you do that?" Nathaniel asked me.

"I charmed her. People like compliments and I think she might have A.D.D."

"That's not nice." He laughed into his hands.

"Why, are you laughing then?" I grinned

"Since, when are you charming?"

"You know Its true." I winked at him

" Please, you charming?" He gave an unconvincing laugh as if he'd just said something funny.

"Your just jealous."

He chuckled and shook his head. Our conversation came to a halt.

/

_Phew It was over and he had said yes. Maybe, this won't be so bad. I'm kind of looking forward to having him around. Yes, I'm also dreading It but, don't get me wrong I'm excited. Even now, Anxiety is still shooting through me. I've got to keep it together._

_In Just 24 hours, I'd be alone with Nathaniel. We might even study in my bedroom. I pictured Nathaniel laying on my bed. Then, he was sprawled across my bed. My heart knocked at my ribs. My eyes begged for more and so did another, lower region._

_The bell rang bringing my lust to an abrupt end. The air felt so far away. It was as if the room was moving which, wasn't logical. Nathaniel spot was now empty. No, this is just another dream._

_**I started to remember how hot, angry tears had somehow transformed into powerful feelings that took ahold of me today. One's that, I could just barely keep inside. **_

_It had been raining all day I had detention and by the time I had to leave. The rain was coming down hard. Nathaniel had been waiting for me suprisingly just because, of who he is. Naturally, I refused his offer to share an umbrella. This umbrella had Amber written all over It. He looked rather adorable holding the bright pink parasol. He didn't accept my answer and took me by the wrist. Then, pulled me out the door with him. He held the umbrella over our heads. More so mine than, his. The rain didn't bother him a bit. We even managed to enjoy each others company and make polite conversation. We had to stand rather close to each other. I must have looked pretty funny with such a girly umbrella dangling over my head. Once, we got to my apartment. We both said goodbye. _

_When, _  
_the wind picked up and the rain ran sideways. The wind tried to take Amber's umbrella. So, I gripped onto the handle tightly. My hand overlapped with his. For a bit, my hand just stayed there wrapped around his. I, then gazed into his eyes and entertwined my hand with his. He stared at me with the intensity of a thousands suns. I stammered " I, I was just making sure the... er umbrella didn't fly away. I thought their was going to be a second wind. I don't think the princess would be too pleased if something happened to her umbrella. Am i right?" "Yeah, I'm already dead because, Amber uses this umbrella for her quote on quote fair skin. Can you believe that? Well, I'd best be on my way then. This was nice." He gave my hand a light squeeze then pushed me into the rain if you can believe that . I screamed after him "You ass." "Come, on live a little!" I stuck my tongue out at him._

_Nathaniel loosened up that one day. Then, he reverted back to avoiding me probably because, of some religious crap. I keep hoping he'll see the light. Doesn't he know that lying doesn't solve anything? He always preaching about being honest yet, his not honest with himself. His confused like I was. I know the truth and maybe one of these days I'll acknowledge it._

/

After school, I went over to Lysander's and knocked on his door.

Lysander answered the door " You seem to be in high spirits. I'm guessing by the look on your face that he said yes."

"Right you are. It'll be just the two of us at my house tommorrow...I'm scared." I flashed him a smile then, I cringed inwardly.

"Why... wait a minute, do you like him?"

"I-I don't man. Don't say it outloud." My ears flushed beet red. I put my hand over his mouth.

He moved my hand away. He crossed his arms.

"Well, do you?" He inquired, his voice was just above a whisper. He raised an eybrow at me questioningly.

"Maybe...Okay, yes. What difference does It make?!" _Agitation knawed at me. Can't he just shut It for once?_

"It just does Castiel. Don't you get hissy with me! I think its brave that you admitted to It."

"Yeah, I'm so fucking noble. Like, he'd ever care. So, what If I like him?!"

"Alright, I'll drop It for now... Here's your key."

"Thanks, don't tell him that we had this talk."

"I give you my word that I won't." _Lysander crossed his fingers behind his back with a heavy heart paired with good intentions at what cost though. Castiel did trust him, what if he found out? No, they'd be friends until the bitter end._

"I'll give you, your key back tommorrow at school."

He nodded. I turned and left without looking back.

/

On, my way home I bumped into someone. I wasn't paying attention and the next thing I knew my head ached. Books laid scattered all over the ground. Who has this many books? Nathaniel. I checked and of course I was dead on. He had a hand over his head.

"You have too many books. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

I extended my hand. He grabbed It and I helped him get to his feet. My heart fluttered at his touch.

"Its, just a scrap really." He shrugged It off

" How much further, do you have to go?"

"Just to the corner." He pointed to his house.

"I'll help you carry your books."

"You don't have to do that."

"I insist." I took a stackful of books not giving him a choice. Nathaniel did the same, and followed me. He must have needed help after in the hell did he cross the street?

Once, we got to his house Amber was waiting for him on the porch.

"Hey, Amber, do you wanna be a doll and carry these in for me and I'll get the door for you." I winked at her and flashed her a broad grin.

"Okay." She agreed eagerly and she returned my grin.

Nathaniel stared me down. I shrugged my shoulder. I offered to hold the door for her and she wanted to do It.

I opened the front door. As, I did Nathaniel's father stepped forward, he had grey hair and Amber's eyes. He wore a suit and tie as expected. His face looked stern. The way he just stood there unnerved me to no end.

He crossed his arms "Who is this, Nathaniel?"

"Just, a friend." Nathaniel answered him hastily. His voice indicated no fear.

_A friend, I caught myself smiling. I think Nathaniel's dad is prejudice against gays. Maybe, he doesn't like my appearance. Like, I give a shit._

Nathaniel's dad disappeared without a word. Which, was more than fine by me. His a real piece of work.

I held open the door.

As, Amber passed she tried to walk seductively. I held back my laughter. She flipped her hair and gave me a flirtatious wink. Silly, girl. She set down the books with a sigh. She twirled her hair and bit her lip in an attempt to seduce me again. I'm not exactly interested. She blushed and ran off into the nearest room wihout so much as a word.

Then, as Nathaniel moved by me. I stared at his ass. I bit down on my bottom lip. His body was very tempting to me. It titillated my senses in a most wonderous way.

He dropped his books with a thud

and came over to me.

"Thanks for helping me." He smiled

"You're welcome. So, I'll see you tommorrow." He put a finger to my lips. Which, I found to be rather seductive.

"Shush, not so loud my dad has the hearing of a hawk. If, he knew who you were, I don't think he'd be too keen on me seeing on you." His voice dropped to a whisper, to add too that he winked at me. That scoundrel. I swooned.

I winked back at him effortlessly and I gave him a grin.

"Is, that why you tend to avoid me?"

"Partially." He eyed the floor as If he felt guilty. I choose to ignore It.

"You're not half bad, you know that." I winked at him while wearing a smirk on my lips

"Shut up." His face burned red. _ How precious._

"No, I mean It." I stepped closer too him without meaning to.

"Castiel, I'd like some personal space now."

"Huh? Oh...uh, whoops." My cheeks glowed pink. "Sorry."

"You, said sorry that's new."

"Its nothing." My voice turned cold and I bolted out of there.

I still felt over the moon about, how things had gone so well. I skipped home, once I was out of sight.

Maybe, we had a shot at being more than just friends. I smiled at the thought. Then, I wondered why did Nathaniel call me his friend? Did he mean It? An, when he silenced me I felt something between us and why did he blush? Is it possible that he could feel the same way about me? Even, with his upbringing or maybe his confused like me.

Either way, I'll take him. The best thing to do is to take things slow. Since, I'm still figuring out my feelings for him.

/

Nathaniel laid across his bed. His sister swung open the door and shut it ever so quietly. She even went as far as to lock it. Nathaniel wondered why she had done such a thing.

"Amber, why'd you come in unannounced and lock my door?" I snapped at her mainly due to Castiel. He unnerved me and then, his voice changed. Did I offend him? What did I care?

She played dumb with a playful amount of sarcaism in her tone "Whatever do you mean? So you wanna talk about Castiel? Why was he carrying your books? I thought he could less about you?" Her face light up and a grin crept onto her face. It was a bit unsettling.

"Well, he bumped into me and persisted on carrying my books for me. I don't know why."

"His sweet." She said with a dreamy look in her eyes.

"Amber, no offense but, how can you even say that, he treats you like crap."

"...Yeah, you're right he does but, I can't help hoping that I'll catch his eye." Her words sounded pitiful. Her eyes dimmed as if she might cry.

"I'm sorry."

"His dreamy, and he has his moments. I know its a stupid crush."_ I thought to myself you said it. I feel your pain._

"Why, do you even like him?" I asked her with mild curiousity.

"Hmm... huh, that's a tough question. I think its because, his everything dad hates."

"And here I thought you were daddy's little angel."

She giggled at my remark. "So, are you and Castiel friends again?"

"I think so, its looking that way."

"Doesn't he hate you because, of the she-witch."

"Yeah, I did I think his over that now. Maybe, I'll be able to clear things up with any luck."

She nodded and put on her innocent face. The one she wears when, she's clearly done something wrong. I knew what she would say before she even spoke.

"Natty, don't get mad but, I listened in on your conversation..What's going on between you and Castiel?"

"Nothing of your concern!" I raised my voice. It was a private conversation after all.

"Natty..." She gave me her famous puppy dog eyes paired with a frown.

"I'm just helping him with math, that's all." My voice came across annoyed.

"He cares about school ew, what have you done to him! I don't want him anymore."

She sounded melodramatic yet serious. Huh?

I snorted at her statement and the stupid look on her face.

"Nat, seriously..." she paused and stared at me with intensity "I think he was hitting on you."

She didn't say just kidding and there wasn't even a hint of

sarcasm in her tone.

"You're nuts."

"I don't think daddy would be too happy , if he knew you were friends with

Castiel." She teased. _What no blackmail? Who are you and what'd you with my sister?_

" I don't think he'd be too pleased if you dated Castiel."

She snickered " I'm serious, I don't want Castiel. I deserve better. I never really wanted . I just liked the idea of him."

"You sound sensible for once. If, you wanna be with someone. You definitely need to know them well and like them beforehand."

There was a short pause.

"Don't take,

offense to this but, I think you were flirting with Castiel. If, you're into guys, I don't care, I promise I won't tell a soul. I won't scare him off.I...I'm." Her voice cracked and tears trickled down her face. "I'm sorry I threatened Melody. I just didn't think father would approve and I was trying to protect you in my own way. I-I knew It was wrong. I'm such a bitch. You must hate me." Here tears were real and they kept spilling out. Her apology was genuine.

I pulled her close and held her tight.

" You shouldn't say that about yourself. Your my little sister. I love you. Your not a bitch, just a hormonal girl." I kissed her forehead and a warm smile graced my lips.

My voice fell to a whisper. The kind you strain you ear to hear. "I don't know. I think I'm interested. Don't laugh." I desperately wanted to crawl in a hole. My cheeks grew hot.

"I think its cute. He'll wait for you. Just give him a chance and fuck what dad thinks. You and I both know its bullshit. Don't let him brainwash with his propaganda!" Her smiled this moment despite her sniffling and her bright red, blotchy face. She looked truly beautiful to me. There is still hope for her.

I thought I'd lost her for good. I feared she might forget me altogether. She was caught up in nonsense. This, IS the Amber I know. I had nearly forgotten her beauty and her charm.

"Thanks for that Amber. i know It is but, It gets too me every now and again. You really don't care if I like guys?"

"Not a bit, you're still the same old Nathaniel, I know and love." She beamed.

"Glad to have you back Amber. I thought I'd lost you."

"Its good to be back." She stuck her tongue out at me.

"The other you was a real bitch." I joked.

"I'm sorry for being a pain in the ass."

"All Is forgiven, I'm sorry for being a jerk-off back when we were younger."

"I'm sorry for holding it over your head for so long. I'm sorry for all the shit dad gives you. I know, you think I have it easy but, I don't. Its hard on me too. We just have to not break."

"You're right, we'll make it through this together. Screw it, I like Castiel!"

"Aw, good." She smiled giddily.

"Thanks, for listening and being supportive." I smiled at her.

"Back at 'ya. I'm going to be the Amber you knew. I've missed her too."

I gave her a warm smile. "Will, you stop hanging out with the plastics and chattering on about nonsense."

"I was tiring of It anyway. Natty, I need to take you shopping. You look so proper all the time. You should really loosen up once in awhile."

"I suppose, you're right."

"I'm right, I'm right and you're wrong!" She did a victory dance.

"You're, odd sister." I shook my head.

"Nat, wait a minute." She grinned excitedly.

She darted out the door and returned with an outfit in hand.

"Rosalaya made this for you. I forgot all about it!" She beamed and looked as if she was to start jumping up and down.

_The shirt was striped black and blue. Weirdly enough the fabric seemed to shimmer. There was a black, button-up vest with silver buttons. To match, a black pair of skinny jeans and black high-tops._

"I haven't worn this yet. I forgot it existed."

"Wear it tommorrow!" She said animatedly.

"I don't know." I felt skeptical because, I don't want Castiel to make me feel weird again. Even, if its inevitable.

"I bet Castiel will like it." She grinned mischieveously.

My face brightened at the very mention of her idea. My heart skipped a beat as well.

She giggled "That's adorable." She skipped off with a smile on her face.

/

The next day.

Castiel stood by the rows of lockers. He'd been daydreaming about Nathaniel. When, he spotted long, golden hair.

That belonged to none other than Amber except, her hair laid flat for once. Her mane no longer resembled a poodle's. He noted that it looked dramatically shorter as well. Also, her face seemed brighter. There wasn't a trace of makeup on her face. She also didn't reek of perfume.

She appeared to be alone and not in the process of stalking me. Which, was very un-Amber like. There was no sign of her clones either. There were visible headphones in her ears. To my astonishment they were black. How, odd. Why weren't they pink? Who are you and what'd you do with Amber?

The next, noteably strange thing about her had to be her clothes. They were so controversial to the true Amber. She wore a black Avenged Sevenfold t-shirt, the band's name was written in a deep, blood red color and the letters looked as if they were bleeding. Her jeans were ripped, black skinny-jeans that hung on her just right. On, her feet she wore black boots.

Then, I heard her singing along to an Avenged Sevenfold song. Her music was audible so, I could tell that she was a few seconds early. She knew the words. I felt like someone had taken over Amber's body. I wanted to shake her just too see if she'd revert to her normal ways. Maybe, she fell on her head and now she has amnesia.

_This was very unusual. Something seemed very out of place here. Then, she took me by suprise yet again by simply smiling. I felt disturbed by her smile. Amber looked happy but, why? This seemed worth investigating. Whenever, she's happy she always has an alternative motive. It had better not have anything to do with me._

_In this moment Amber was almost attractive. She was like an Anti-Deborah._

"Amber, yoo-hoo." I waved my hand infront of her face. _Her happiness annoyed me to no end._

She removed a headphone and just stood there for a second. It was highly infuriating.

"Take out the other one!" I hissed at her.

She placed her headphones around her neck.

"Geez, what's got your panties in a twist?"

"Is, this some kind of joke?"

"No, I'd rather be a loner than a bitch. I ditched my sidekicks. I want to redeem myself."

"You do?" I crossed my arms in disbelief. My anger strengthened.

"Why, do you seem happy?" I asked her.

"I just am. I feel enlightened, I have a new perspective. My life counts, I matter."

"Wow, you actually sound intelligent for a change. Say, did you cut you hair?"

"Yes, I did it myself this morning." Her voice came across cheerful which, I thought

to be refreshing. She smiled as if she knew a dark secret. I found her smile to be rather disturbing. I sensed that she was hiding something from me.

"You're scaring me. Have you been telling people that I'm your boyfriend again?"

"No!" Her tone was harsh and she even made a face at my suggestion.

"I know that you know something!" My voice rose and so did my blood pressure. I inched closer to her. Maybe, I can intimidate her. If, I know one thing about Amber its that she's weak.

"I don't know anything you're being paranoid. What are you high?" She scoffed at me.

Then, shot a final remark at me " I don't think your boyfriend would be too happy about you being this close to me." _Ah, blackmail know that's more Amber's style. I know you were still in there. You can't fool me._

_Her statement made my body shut down. Shock poured through me. Nailing me to the floor. The nerve of her. My cheeks burned red automatically. I had no power over It. She wouldn't get away with that. Noone blackmails me bitch! Knowing her she'd run her mouth. Rage told me to scream at her until, I was red in the face. It was what she deserved. Instead, I took a deep breath._

_I then stepped back into reality. I saw fear dancing in her eyes. Her body was shaking. She looked remorseful but, I didn't exactly feel in a forgiving mood. Her appearance was but, a disguise she was still as snarky as ever and I wouldn't have it._

I got in her face "Do, you mean what I think you mean?"

"I don't know what your talking about. I didn't say anything."

She tried to avoid my question but, I would make her give me a solid answer.

She ducked to slip away and run off. I gripped onto her wrist.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?!"

"Uhm... It means whatever you want it to mean!" Her voice trembled.

"Okay." I smirked and released her.

She escaped just, as Nathaniel entered the hallway.

"What, was all that commotion?"

"Nothing, I just had a word with your sister."

He looked eyes seemed to sparkle. His clothes were rather tight which, I found to be pleasing. I'd never seem him wear anything other than, a suit and tie.

"What about?" He raised an eyebrow at me suscipiously.

"I just thought she looked weird and I wondered where her sidekicks were. She was happy. So, naturally I suspected that she was up to no good...Say I like your outfit. Where, did you get it?"

"Oh, thanks. Rosalaya made it for me."

"Cool. Not to be weird but, uh It looks good on you." _Smooth Castiel, real smooth. Oh god. My heart is going crazy._

"Thanks. That's not weird." He smirked at me as if he were up to no good. Like, sister like brother. Something's going on here and I need to get to the bottom of it.

"You know your sister gave me that same look. What are you hiding from me? She knows something and so do you!" I exploded.

"I don't know what you mean. Why are you so angry?"

"Don't you bullshit me!"

"Castiel!"

"She said that I was paranoid and asked me If I was high. Then, she said I don't think your boyfriend would be to happy about you being this close to me. Then, she ran off. What do you think she meant by that?" I crossed my arms. I wanted an answer. I would accept anything less. Annoyance pumped through me. I scowled.

"I'm pretty sure she was being sarcastic why, were so close to her anyways?"

"I wanted a fucking answer and I got one. I think she was referring to you."

"She was just teasing you. I guess you don't like how it feels." He shot back a smart-ass remark.

"Damn you! Don't turn this around. Give me a god-forsaken answer!" My body shook as rage take ahold on me.

"Castiel, would you like me too write you an excused absence note for today?"

"Yes, forget what I just said." I perked up. My anger subsided and was replaced with a warm feeling.

"You'd abuse your power for me!" I burst into a smile. I checked the hall. It was as empty as ever.

I wrapped my arms around him and gave him a tight squeeze. He hugged me back.

I took a step back.

"I'll come back, once's school's over." I smiled at him widely. I hadn't smiled like this in a long time. I felt happy.

"You should smile more often." He gushed.

"Eh, I wouldn't count on it pal. Catch, ya later." I winked at him knowingly.

He winked back.

_I felt as if all the air had been knocked out of my lungs. My heart drummed in my chest. I nearly forgot about breathing all together. My cheeks felt dangerously warm. I gasped for air._

_These feelings are like parasites. Yet, somehow they sustain me. My disgust for him kept on washing away bit by bit. There still a long road ahead of us but, little by little he had moved his way up my list. I don't wanna not feel this way about him._

/

Amber had been lurking in the shadows once again. She popped out of nowhere at Nathaniel's side.

"Did, that just happen?" She asked her brother.

"Yes." I smiled at her triumphiantly.

"You infuriated him and you totally got out of answering him. You didn't blush or stutter. I'm utterly impressed. You made Castiel smile. I didn't know that he could. His never smiled, not even when he was with her. He seemed happy just now. Are you magic?"

"Thanks. I don't know about that. You know how Castiel feels about school." I shrugged it off.

"Are, you really gonna abuse your power for him? When, you never have not even for me." She narrowed her eyes at me and pouted. How typical.

"Well, yes I'm a man of my word. Mrs. Leore will never know the difference. You don't understand young one, you nearly got me in deep water."

"Oh, boo-hoo." She rolled her eyes.

Castiel strolled down the hall. He tossed me a single key on a key ring.

"What's this?"

"A key to my apartment. I'm entrusting you with it. Just, give it back to Lysander for me will ya?"

"You can count on me."

He winked at me and zipped out the door.

"He winked at you again and he trusts you. That certainly is a change."

"For the better. Well, I'm off. Catch you later."

"Don't come home too late." She smirked deviously.

"Amber!" I flushed a furious shade of red.

_For, reasons unknown I found her statement too be very tempting. I like the sound of it. The thoughts it produced were enticing to say the least. I realized I'd be all alone with Castiel and for once being in closed quarters with him didn't piss me off. I certainly wouldn't mind walking in on him in the shower. For a moment I was enclosed in my own little world._

_/_

I bolted to Lysander's staircase. As, to be expected Lysander was their daydreaming away. He had on victorian clothing like always.

"Lysander."

He snapped back to conciousness.

"Oh, hi Nathaniel." He half-smiled at me. He seemed to be in a good mood.

"Here's your key." I handed it to him.

He clipped it onto his belt. Then, he asked me "Did, Castiel ditch again?"

"Well, he was in a violent mood. So, I told him to go home early and I'd take care of the rest."

"That's probably for the best. When, his mad there's no talking any sense into him. Believe me, I've tried a countless amount of times. So, why'd he fly off the handle this time?"

"His convinced that I'm hiding something from him. He got furious."

"Well, are you? If, you don't mind me asking that is?" He raised an eyebrow at me questioningly.

I stiffled my laughter. He looked rather quizzical.

"I don't... Yes, I'll tell you if you promise not to breathe a word of this too him."

" I promise." He smirked a little. What did he know that I didn't or did Castiel just have me paranoid. Probably, the latter.

"Okay, the thing is I'm falling for Castiel. Its very confusing. His frustating and he gets under my skin yet somehow, his not who I thought he was. His all I can think about and I don't know what to do."

"So, what's the problem?Just go with it. You'll never know unless, you give it a shot. He won't force you into anything you don't want. Chances are his probably just as afraid as you are. His not as bad as everyone would like to think."

"You're right. I might as well. I won't give up."

" I see you've put Rosalaya's outfit to use." He added nonchalantly.

I laughed nervously "What do you mean?"

"Who do you think convinced him to ask you to help him study?" He answered my question with another question. He grinned.

_He obviously meant himself and he was implying that Castiel could feel the same way about me._

"Really!" I exclaimed. My face light up.

He then, winked at me as if we had just shared a secret. I was overcome by a ray of happiness.

I hugged Lysander due to my overwhelming gratituide. He patted my back awkwardly.

As, I skipped away. I said "You're the best!" My smile spread from ear to ear.

He said nothing in return but, simply wore a sly smirk. He knew all right that much I was certain of. Lysander was always right about these kind of things. When, it came to how Castiel felt he was always spot on.

He had this uncanny ability to read everyone. He'd been close friends with Castiel ever since the disasterous Deborah had left Castiel in shreds.

_And now the true Castiel seemed to be coming back ever so slowly. Castiel was still broken at best but, he would be back for good one day._

_As, Nathaniel thought this a pressing question came to mind. Could Castiel truly change? Another one followed. Do people ever change?_

_I think with a strong enough will they can but, will is power and Deborah essencially killed his will. She brutally stabbed in the heart over and over with a hungry, soul-less look in her eyes._

_If, Castiel knew what really happened that day would he believe me? No, It probably wouldn't matter. Maybe, leaving it alone is the better option. At least for now..._

_He'd just say that I was pinning the blame on her. He would never be able to see it any way other then, what she had told him. It doesn't matter that I was there and the fact that I've never told an unneccessary lie. He'd always see it through her eyes even if it was all a facade._

_There could be no clearing this up. No putting it behind us. Was there really any hope or was I just playing a fool?_

_The very Idea caused my stomach to clench. No, I had to stop thinking like that just because, I'm scared. There's no way I'm going to run and , I will fight on. I can lead you to the light. That is if you'll let me. _

_The dark and dreary thought clouded my mind for a mere moment. There was still hope on the horizon. I just have to stay and refuse to leave no matter what you do or say. Showing up is but, half the battle._

/


	2. Chapter 2 Fated to Pretend

At, long last the last school bell rang. The day had dragged on and on without Castiel's presence. It was odd but, Nathaniel really wanted to see him. That was probably why the minutes that ticked by felt like hours.

I walked to the courtyard once the school had emptied. As, soon as I got their Castiel hopped over the fence.

"Hey, right on time prez." He smirked.

"You're actually punctual for once!" I exclaimed in a surprised tone.

"Well, this isn't class." He joked.

"Good one." I half-smiled.

"Thanks. Anyways, enough chit-chat let's get going."

"Okay. Are you going to go over the fence again?"

"You know the answer to that. Why don't you give it a try? And you'll see why I always jump the fence." He grinned.

"Maybe, I will."

"Ladies first." He smiled and gestured to the fence.

"So, I assume you'll be going first."

He scowled "You know that remark, just might cost you prez. If you fall, I won't catch you."

"Oh no, whatever will I do." I mocked him.

"You going first or not? I haven't got all day." He crossed his arms at me.

"I'll show you, how its done." I climbed up the fence and jumped over to the other side. I landed on my feet. Somehow , I didn't slip.

"Not bad but, I can do better."

He stood back a few feet and ran towards the fence. Amazingly enough he leapt over it as if it were a hurdle.

"Impressive."

"I know." He winked at me.

I winked back at him.

We proceeded to his apartment complex. It was a tall, red building.

"Which, floor do you live on?" I asked him.

"The second floor."

"Do you live alone?"

"Yes. I'm empanicated and my parents are never around. So, I moved out."

"Oh." _Was all I could say._

We entered the building and got into the elevator. He pressed the number two on the elevator. Oh, how I hate closed spaces especially elevators. I felt sick. The walls wouldn't stay still.

When, the elevator doors opened. I ran out them, gasping for air. My face became a ghastly shade of white.

"Are, you okay Nathaniel?" Castiel eyes knit together in confusion.

"I have claustrophobia." I breathed.

"You could have told me before we took the elevator. Next time we'll take the stairs. You don't look so good."

"I'll be okay. I just need a minute. I think I'm gonna be sick. Castiel, open the door now!"

He struggled to get the key in the lock and he thrust open the door. Then, he stepped back. I dashed inside and laid down on his couch. I struggled to catch my breath and clenched my eyes shut.

"Do, you want some water?"

"I'm fine." I reassured him.

I stood up and didn't collapse. That would have been dreadfully embarrassing.

"So, where do you want to study?" I asked him.

"In my bedroom, I guess. My desk is in their." His cheeks burned red. I wondered why.

"Okay, which way?"

"This way." He went down the hall and opened the first door to the left.

I followed him inside. He didn't bother to shut the door.

"Oh, wait. I nearly forgot about Demon. I'll be right back."

Demon? That must be his dog's name. The walls of Castiel's room were painted black. Their were various band posters on his walls. I took notice of the poster above his bed. It was a Winged Skull poster, in other words Castiel's favorite band. The theme of Castiel's room seemed to be death metal, metal and rock. I actually enjoy metal . Its a unique style of music.

Castiel's red guitar was on a stand in the far corner of the room. From the looks of it someone had recently polished it. I couldn't help but, admire it.

Demon the german shepherd darted into Castiel's room and jumped me. He licked my face as if to say hello. I petted him.

Castiel came in right after him. "Demon, you traitor." He smirked.

"Come here, Demon." He called Demon over to a spot on his bed.

Demon ran over to the bed. His tail wagged happily.

"Lay down Demon." Castiel instructed him.

Demon laid down at once. His dog is actually pretty cute.

Castiel got out two folding chairs from his closet and he unfolded one for himself. I did the same. We sat at his desk. He got out his Financial Algebra Textbook.

"So , what have you been learning?"

"The quadratic formula."

"That's my favorite."

"You would say that." Castiel shook his head.

"The formula isn't that bad. The hard part is entering it into your calculator just right. So, I'll need your calculator."

"Huh, alright. On it." He dug in his backpack and retrieved his calculator.

I took it and opened the book. I found the chapter I needed.

"You'll need paper and a pencil."

"Okay. Taken care of."

We went over problems within the book. I showed him how to use the quadratic formula and how to type it in properly. We went over Revenue equations and Expense equations.

"Next time, we'll go over how to graph the equations."

"Oh, joy."

"So, when's your test?"

"In a week. Thanks for the lesson. See 'ya next time."

"That wasn't so bad. You're welcome. Bye."

I let myself out. I, of course took the stairs. Their was no way in hell, I'd take the damn elevator again. I got home in all of fifteen minutes.

/***

Amber was of course awaiting my arrival. She was sitting on the porch.

"So, are you locked out?" I asked her.

"No, I just love nature." She replied sarcasticely.

"Where's dad?"

"Who cares." She answered.

"Not me." I smiled.

"Are you gonna unlock the door or are we just gonna stand here like idiots?" She asked me in her "princess" tone.

"Sure thing, sis." I got out my key and unlocked the door. I went inside first.

"That was rude. Its ladies first. Don't you know better?" She scoffed.

"My bad, princess." I mocked her.

"How was your study date?" She teased me.

"I'd hardly call it a date. We were studying after all."

"I know, its just fun to mess with you." She smirked.

She ruffled my hair.

"Nobody touches the hair."

She giggled. "So, were you two all alone?"

"Well, actually yes. Castiel has his own apartment."

"Ohh, where did you two study?" She grinned.

"In, his bedroom. Only, because, his desk is in their." A deep, red spread across my cheeks. I couldn't meet her eyes.

"That's what they all say." She shoved me playfully with a slight smile gracing her lips.

"Oh, shut up."

"Its so nice that we're home alone."

"Yeah, I'm glad that noone's here."

"Did you and Castiel get along?"

"Yes. It wasn't too bad."

"So, why do you think were here alone?" She asked me.

"I don't know. Maybe, they left a note."

I wandered into the kitchen. Sure, enough their was a note on the fridge. It read

_"Went out for date night. There's pizza in the freezer, enjoy. Love, Mom + Dad."_

"Date night?" I said outloud.

"Oh, their having dating night?"

"It would seem so."

"So, tell me Natty. Did Castiel blush at all?" She grinned.

"Well, now that you mention it yes."

"Do, go on." She smirked.

"Oh, right. I asked him where he wanted to study at. He said In my bedroom, I guess. My desk is in their. His face was bright red."

"Aww, he wants you. I just know it. He likes you. I'm sure of it."

" Well, he did tell me earlier today that he thought I looked good in the clothes, I have on."

"Ohh, did he now? He so has the hots for you. Its just so adorable, I can't stand it."

"Yeah, about that next time you're around him. Don't make it so obvious that I like him."

"I'm sorry. It just kind of slipped, I was pissed at him. He was practically shaking me down for an answer. I didn't think that he would take it seriously."

"Its, alright. Its nice that we have the house to ourselves."

"It is." She smiled brightly.

/***

Castiel had been pacing back and forth by Lysander's usual spot in other words, the staircase. He was waiting on Lysander. He felt unusually impatient. His palm were shaky. The urge to smoke burned in the back of my throat.

I clutched my box of cigarettes. Where did I put my damn lighter? I heard the sound of approaching footsteps. Lysander?

Instead, it was none other than, Nathaniel.

"Oh... uh, hi Nathaniel."

"Hi, Castiel. Lysander's still not here, weird."

"No, offense but, why are you here?"

"That stills sounds rude."

"Well, excuse me Prez." I couldn't help but, roll my eyes. I was on edge.

"Rosalaya was looking for Lysander, I'll have you know."

"Oh, is that right or did you just come here to see me?" My lips curved into a playful smirk. I raised an eyebrow at him flirtatiously.

"Certainly... not." He crossed his arms.

"I'm not convinced. Why'd you hesitate?" I winked at him.

"I-I didn't! Unlike, you I don't want to upset you. Sometimes, anything will set you off. When, I try to be nice to you. You turn it all around."

"Geez, now I feel like a real ass."

"Its just...you seem tense. To be fair, you're not always an ass. You just want people to think you are and I get that."

"Oh, wow. You figured it all out." I replied sarcasticely.

There was a brief moment of silence until, I broke it. " Can, you just leave me the hell alone?"

"B-but, oh for the love of god. Just, smoke a cigarette already. I'll keep watch."

"W-what?" My eyebrows knit together. "Are, you serious man?"

"Dead serious, final offer. Take it or leave it."

"The smoke doesn't bother you?" I asked him.

"Not, one bit."

"You'll be breaking a school rule." I pointed out. Was this a dream?

"Just, open the window smart one. What do I care?" He shrugged his shoulder.

"Whoa, you're blowing my mind."

Nathaniel kept an eye out the door. He stood on guard. Ready to warn me within a moment's notice. Perhaps, he is useful. His not a prude after all.

I wasted no time. First, I opened the window. Then, I dug out my lighter and light my cigarette. I inhaled and exhaled out the window. I closed my eyes. My nicotene cravings lessened. I felt at ease once again. My heart-beat steadied.

The next thing, I knew. Nathaniel opened the door and shut it quickly yet, quietly at the same time.

I exclaimed."What the hell, Nathaniel?!"

"Relax, its just Lysander." He spoke in a calming voice.

Sure, enough it was. Lysander's nose crinkled.

"Castiel, wait a second was Nathaniel keeping watch for you? You can't use people like that!" Lysander's cheeks heated up with rage.

"Chill, Lysander I wasn't." His awfully quick to jump to conclusions.

"I volunteered, Castiel seemed really tense. Plus, I made him open the window. So, noone will know the difference. Technically, he is smoking outside." Nathaniel vouched for me.

"Oh, I guess that makes sense but, I still can't believe it. Why would you do that Nathaniel?"

"Eh, why the hell not?" He shrugged his shoulders.

"You- You've corrupted Nathaniel." Lysander turned towards me.

"Are you serious?" I raised an eyebrow at him in confusion.

"Relax, I'm not corrupted. I didn't think it was that big of a deal. Just a friend helping out a friend. Its only one act of rebellion." He smiled sheepishly and put his hands in his pockets.

" I suppose you're right perhaps, I over-reacted. So, you two are friends again?" He gave us a quizzical look.

"Uh, I guess so." I smiled. I beamed inside at Nathaniel referring to us as friends. I couldn't exactly say no and storm off.

"W-what he said." Nathaniel's cheeks tinged a light pink.

"Oh, well that's good. Here you are, Castiel." He handed me my keys with a small grin upon his lips. His doing this on purpose isn't he? That sneaky son of a bitch.

I took my keys and slipped them into my pocket. We would have a talk later. That much was for sure. Just what is Lysander up to?

"I-I've gotta get going." Nathaniel stammered , his cheeks had turned to a rosy red. How adorable. Why's he acting so weird?

"Okay, let's study again on Thursday. If you're free that is."

"Alright, yeah that works for me. Do you wanna meet after school's over and head over to your place or do you want me to come over later?"

"Whatever you wanna do is good with me."

"We'll meet up after school then. Just incase my dad doesn't get home until, late again. That way Amber doesn't get locked out."

"I don't know, it might serve her right." I smirked.

"Shut up. She's not that bad."

"I don't know that. Plus, its fun to make you mad."

"Are we really friends?"

"If you wanna be." I answered. A lump formed in my throat. Friends is a good place to start but, I'd like to be more.

"I think we should try to be. No , I-I mean I want to be friends." He spoke in a firm tone.

"Good, so do I. All this fighting seems silly. The past is the past." I extended my hand to him.

He shook my hand firmly with a warm yet shy smile gracing his lips. I smiled back at him. A warm feeling sprouted in my chest. I felt overwhelmed with happiness. I'd missed him so much that I thought I might cry right then and their but, somehow I held it together. All, this time I'd been lying to myself. I needed him, I failed to face the truth. I don't care what happens, as long as I've got you.

I pulled him into a hug. I didn't care who saw. I had my best friend back and that was priceless. Nathaniel held onto me tightly. I enjoyed the closeness. A few people witnessed the event but, I didn't care who saw. Even, if Rosalaya saw so what. I have my best friend back and that's all that matters. We ended our embrace.

"I'm glad to have you back." I told him.

"Same here." He smiled.

The bell rang.

"Well, I'm needed elsewhere."

"Yeah, I have to go to class. I'll save you a seat. See ya' later." I winked at him and flashed him a grin.

"Thanks. See ya." He winked at me and smiled sheepishly with a fair blush gracing his cheeks.

***/

Thursday, came as quick as ever. All, Nathaniel had to do was blink his eyes. The school day ended rather abruptly to my delight. I skipped out the door in high spirits.

Lysander took notice. "You seem happy to go see Castiel." He grinned.

"W-what? Quit teasing me." I elbowed him in the ribs.

Rosalaya raised an eyebrow at us "Oh, does Nathaniel like someone?"

"N-no, shut up." My cheeks glowed a brilliant shade of red.

"Aw, who is it?" She asked me.

"Noone."

Castiel walked by us.

"Hey, Castiel wait up." I called after him.

He spun around on his heels " Hurry up, I haven't got all day." He sighed.

I raced to his side and we walked together to the courtyard.

***/

Rosalaya to Lysander "So, is that who you guys meant?" She smirked as if she'd figured it all out , pointing at Castiel.

"I'm not answering that, I swore to secrecy." Lysander crossed his arms.  
She tugged on his arm. " Come, on tell mee." She whined.

"No." I answered her not daring to meet her eyes.

She frowned and gave him puppy dog eyes. She pouted.

"Please, please. I can keep it a secret."

"Sorry, Rosa I can't tell you. If, I do Castiel might kill me. And, I gave them both my word."

"I'll kill Castiel right now, If you don't at least give me a hint. I'm not scared of Castiel."

"Very,well." I sighed unable to resist her charm. I gave into her demands not wanting to disappoint her.

I continued "Castiel likes Nathaniel and Nathaniel likes him back."

"Whaa?" She was temporarily stunned. Her eyes widened.

Then, she noticed that Castiel's arm was around Nathaniel. Nathaniel was bright pink and Castiel's smile spread from ear to ear. The two looked good together.

"Aww, that's sweet. So, are they together?"

"Haha, no. Not, just yet. They only just renewed their friendship."

"Did they sort out the Deborah mess?"

"No, they decided to let the past be the past."

"It, totally makes sense that the two like each other. They're a lot alike. Tell me Lysander does Castiel flirt with Nathaniel?"

"Oh, definitely." I nodded.

"Does, Nathaniel know?"

"Yes, it rather obvious. The two blush and gush over each other."

"How, adorable. So, in your opinion who will make the first move?"

"Castiel, of course. Considering, how Nathaniel was brought up. Plus, Castiel's a lot more comfortable with all of this since, he doesn't care what anyone thinks."

"You're right. When, he does. Can you tell me all the details?" She smiled innocently.

"I, don't know if I'm really comfortable with that Rosa."

She gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. My cheeks burned a deep, cherry red.

"Okay, okay but, you have to swear to keep it to yourself for once."

"When, have I ever not?" She glared at me and rose her voice .

"Let me think about it. Oh, yeah when you told all the girls at school about my tattoo!"

"T-that's different. I didn't think it was that big of a deal and it made Candy take an interest in you." She added with a devious grin upon her lips.

My blush deepened. "I keep telling you that its not like that."

"Are, you sure?" She smiled.

"I'm done talking about this." I rushed down to the basement and laid on the only piece of furniture down their. An, old beat-up couch. In, that moment I acted a lot like Castiel. Castiel's a great guy but, hiding your feelings isn't anyway to live. Maybe, I'd gather up the courage to tell Candice how I really feel about her one of these days.

***/

Nathaniel and Castiel stepped into his bedroom. Castiel shut his bedroom door and did the best he could to keep the grin off his face. I was once again alone with Nathaniel. Also, I shut the door and he didn't say a word.

"Let's get started." Nathaniel said.

I walked over to him and sat beside him. "Okay, so... graphing."

"Yep, you remembered." There was a sparkle in his eye as he spoke.

"Yeah, you told me two days ago. Believe it or not , I was actually listening." I scratched the back of my head.

"For, once." He teased me.

"You've gotta give more credit than, that!"

"Nope." He opened the book at random and flipped to the correct page.

"Here, we are. Now, the Revenue equation is graphed as a?"

"Parabola."

"And, the Expense equation is graphed as a?"

"Straight line."

"How is the x-intercept of the axis of symmetry determined?"

"By using the equation -b/ 2a ."

"Let's try a practice equation."

"Okay."

"Try this one here." He pointed to the problem on the page.

I followed along with the example and wrote down my work.

"I'm done."

"That was fast. I'll check your work now."

He leaned against me to grab my pencil and his head rubbed against my chest. My heart pounded loud enough for him to hear it and a bright, red blush crept onto my cheeks. I forgot about breathing altogether. When, I remember I gasped for air. As, I did I breathed down his neck unintentionally.

Nathaniel bit down on his lower lip. His body couldn't handle Castiel's heavy breathing on his neck. It shocked his senses. Sweat dripped down his brow. He realized how close he had gotten to Castiel unconciously. His heart quickened and he dropped the pencil without meaning to.

"Hey, are you okay?" I asked him.

"I-I'm fine. You did the problem exactly right. We'll do a few more practice problems and call it a day."

"Alright." I wasn't convinced. I eyed him skeptically.

We did a few more problems. I actually got the hang of it. Perhaps, all this studying will pay off.

"That went well. I'm glad you're taking an interest in school for once." He smiled.

"Hah. You're such a nerd." _Yeah, I'm really interested in school let me tell ya'. That's a laugh. Oh, naiive Nathaniel. I'm interested in something but, its definitely not school._

"Despite, your rudeness. You're doing quite well. I have a feeling you'll knock that test out of the park."

"Thanks. So, you're impressed." I flashed him a cocky smile and winked at him flirtatiously.

"I-I guess you could say that." He stuttered with a delicate blush lighting up his cheeks. Heh, cute.

"You're damn right you are." I smirked.

"I-I didn't mean it like that."

"I know, come on I'm just teasing."

"O-Of course... I knew that." Was it just me or did he look a little disappointed?

"Do, you roll that way?" I raised an eyebrow at him.

"What? I don't understand what you mean." He seemed genuinely confused.

"Alright, I'll make it simple. You've never had a girlfriend. So, what I want to know is how come? What, I mean is do you like boys or girls?"

"Uh... that's because, I don't need a girlfriend. Uh... er girls?..."

"Oh... I see. Have you ever even kissed a girl?"

"To be perfectly honest no... Don't laugh." His blush brightened.

"So, then how can you be sure?"

"Well, I-I just know."

"I can't believe you've never kissed anyone."

"I will... someday. Don't make fun of me."

"Nah, it'll happen one of these days and I guarantee you, you'll never forget it." I winked at him.

He raised an eyebrow at me. "I'd better head on home."

"Leaving, so soon. I thought we were buds?" I frowned.

"We are. I just can't keep princess waiting. I'm worried about her is all... My dad is unpredictable. Sometimes, he'll just leave for days on end."

"I feel ya'. Its just I could use the company. Even, I get lonely."

"I'd stay but, its a school night after all. Plus..." He paused to check the time. "Its, eight'o'clock Amber's gonna be pissed." His eyes widened.

"Alright, alright go. Get outta here." I joked.

"You're just a ray of sunshine, aren't you?"

"You got that right." I smiled.

"See' ya." He smiled.

"See 'ya." I replied.

And with that he left.

***/

Nathaniel raced to his house. With his heart beating like a hammer inside his chest. He became overwhelmed with panic. What if Amber was hurt? No, he musn't think like that. Then, again my dad had never been level-headed.

I reached my house. As, I opened the gate I noticed that my hands were drenched in sweat. My hands were slippery.

Amber was sitting on the front porch step. Relief washed over me.

"Hey, what kept you?" She had a small grin on her lips.

"I didn't realize how late it was. I hurried home because, I was worried about you."

"You didn't have to do that. You could've hung out with Castiel. Oh, dear brother you worry too much."

"Its my job. You can't pretend that we live a normal life."

"Dad's working late tonight and tommorrow night. So, if you wanna chill with Castiel I won't tell a soul."

"I-I don't know. I feel like I'm in too deep already." I admitted to her.

"Huh, what do you mean? Did something happen?"

"Sort, of. I'll explain once we're inside." I fumbled with the keys and thrust open the door forcefully.

We stepped inside and Amber took extra care to shut the door quietly. She, then locked it behind us.

"Tell me. I'm all ears."

"He asked me if I like boys or girls and I said girls. I was afraid that he would laugh at me if I told him the truth. He asked me how I knew since, I've never kissed anyone."

"W-what? You've seriously never kissed anyone. I thought Deborah kissed you?"

"No..."

"So, what you panicked. You're not really to tell anyone and that's perfectly fine. It makes sense. Did something else happen?"

"Huh... yeah. I leaned my head against Castiel's chest and he breathed on my neck. After, that I ran out of their. I felt something and it scared me. It was wonderful yet terrifying."

"Ohh. I'm telling you he wants you."

"I'm gonna take a shower. I don't wanna talk about this anymore."

"Don't spend too long in the shower." She winked at me.

"That's not funny, Amber."

"Okay, Mr. Grumpypants."

I sighed and took a hot, soothing shower. I ate dinner and fell fast-asleep. I slept like a rock.

(Warning: Explicit content, read at your own risk, the next part isn't vital to the story. Nathaniel's just having an inappropriate dream.)

That was until, I found myself in Castiel's bedroom. Castiel was wearing a broad smirk on his face. He tugged his shirt off and threw it on the floor.

"C-Castiel." I stuttered.

He broke the space between us by attaching his mouth to mine. His tongue entered my mouth. I gave into the kiss. I moved my tongue into his mouth. This seemed to please him.

Castiel pushed me onto his bed. He pulled on my belt and unhooked it. He moaned hungrily. I felt my whole body heat up in response to his touch. He pulled off my pants and unbuttoned my shirt. He sucked on my neck. I moaned quietly.

He removed his pants in a spilt-second. Next, he took off his boxers. My whole body froze. All I could do was got ontop of me in just one movement. I felt myself harden. He used his teeth to take off my boxers.

Then, he went down on me. At first, just the tip. He, then made use of his mouth. He licked then, sucked. I groaned.

After, that he turned me over and sucked on my neck. I felt weak. My neck proved to be my weak spot. The way his mouth felt against my neck caused, me to moan. My body begged for more.

He spread apart my legs and thrust his body into mine. His body felt soft then, hard and rough. He picked up the pace steadily, Until, we were both sweating heavily. He breathed down my neck and blew into my ear. He kissed my neck. Castiel let out a loud moan. Soon, after he did, his body provided mine with a feeling of ecastasy. I started to breathe heavily. He went in harder than, before. I gripped onto the sheets.

I moaned "M-more." My body felt weak but, I needed more. I wanted it badly. Not, only that I wanted him badly. More, than I had ever wanted anyone ever.

He went in faster and harder. His thrust himself into my body more aggressively. He became more rough with me and I throughly enjoyed it. My breathing became more labored. Soon, I was gasping for air but, I didn't care. I moaned and moaned until, we reached a point where it all felt so good. That, as my sweaty hands were gripping tightly onto the sheets, I moaned loudly. "C-Castiieeel. Castieelll...Huh- Castiieelll."

The room I was in disappeared from view. No, noo a part of me screamed as it all faded away. I realized that it was all a dream. I awoke in a heavy sweat.

Amber burst through my door. "You look like hell. Did you have a bad dream?"

"Just the opposite. I need to take a cold shower."

" Why are you so sweaty? What was the dream about?"

"N-nothing, I don't remember." I stuttered, doing my best not to give away anything.

"Nathaniel, I know you're lying. You're moaning wasn't that discreet. Infact, I recall you moaning Castiel." She spoke in a sassy tone.

"Son, of a bitch. You knew the whole time and yo just pretended not to know. I-Its not what you think." I face-palmed, I felt mortified.

"Look, I'm a lot of things but, I'm not stupid. It was that "kind" of dream just admit it."

"Fine, you're right."

"I'm what?" She pretended as if she hadn't heard me.

The nerve of her. That's just typical Amber though. "Right." I spoke through my teeth. I pushed past her to the bathroom and took a cold 5 minute shower. I just stood under the water trying to wash away the images from my mind. How could I face the day? More importantly how could I face him? As much I tried not to think about it, the more I thought about it as a result.

I got dressed in a hurry and I ate breakfast. Amber and I headed to the bus.

"So, it'll be awkward when you see Castiel."

"Yeahh."

"Just remember that dreams are dreams. He doesn't know that you had the dream. Try not to be paranoid and don't worry. Just hold your breath and bit your lip. Also, avoid eye contact."

"Hah, I'll try too. You got experience with these dreams, huh?"

"...No. You're making it weird."

"I was only kidding."

The bus pulled up and we got on. We sat down and within what feel like a very short amount of time to me the bus arrived at our school. I got off and waved goodbye to Amber.

I made my way to Lysander's staircase. He was standing their all alone like usual. Thank god. I don't exactly want to see Castiel right now.

"Hey, Nathaniel how's it going?" He half-smiled.

"Hi. Uh...actually not so great."

"How come?"

"Well, yesterday Castiel asked me if I like boys or girls and I told him girls. I- I thought he'd laugh at me. Then, last night I had a , uh-er sexual dream about him." I stuttered, my cheeks became a rosy red. My ears were beet red. I could hear my heart pounding inside my ears.

"Oh, yikes. Are you confused?"

"Yes. No. I-I don't know. I just feel embarassed."

"How was the dream?" He grinned and winked at me knowingly.

"Amazing." I sighed with a dreamy expression on my face.

Just, then Castiel stepped into the hallway. "I overheard something about Nathaniel here having a dream. I was wondering what kind of dream? I heard him say the dream was amazing."

"Uh-er, Lysander had an inappropriate dream."

"I did-not. Don't pin the blame on me. Nathaniel had a sexual dream and with that I bid you-a-due. Noone throws me under the bus." Lysander scowled and left hastily.

"Man, he is sassy." Castiel smirked.

My cheeks were glowing a furious shade of red. I couldn't utter a word or laugh as if everything was okay.

"So, its true." He paused and got much closer to me. He then, whispered in my ear "You're having naughty dreams."

My cheeks burned an even brighter shade even though, I thought that to be impossible. My lungs were sure to give out.

"N-no, I-I wasn't." My desire for him burned deeper than, ever before. The flame was stronger as well all because, I was trying to extinguish it. My throat felt as if it were on fire.

"Yes, you were. Who did you dream about?" He smiled crookedly.

"N-Noone." I bit my tongue accidentally. Fuck, that really hurt. I clenched my fist. Sweat poured down my face.

"What does it matter? Will, you just leave it alone? Dreams are just dreams."

"Its perfectly, natural to have these kind of dreams."

"Do, you have them?" I asked him with mild-curiousity.

"Wouldn't you like to know? Then, again you like girls after all, so what would you care?"

"Wait, you like guys?" My eyes widened.

"Huh, why are you asking me that? I thought you liked girls?" His cheeks turned a radiant shade of red. Aw, how precious.

"I... Its just suprising."

"Are, you interested? What's your deal? You're confusing me." He edged closer to me.

"You-you're confusing me." My heart drummed in my chest.

Just, then the bell rang.

"Later." Castiel said.

"See ya'." I replied. I didn't know what to do with the information, he had just revealed to me. Did he mean what he said or his just messing with me again? This is a lot too absorb.

Once, I got to my first block. I sat beside Castiel seeing as I had no other choice.

"So, tell me in the dream was it a guy or girl?"

"What does it matter? Can you just do me and favor and not ask me about it." I shot back.

"Was it rough?" He winked at me flirtatiously.

"SHUT UP!" I roared at him. Unable to endure anymore.

The teacher announced "Nathaniel and Castiel you've both earned two hours of detention after school."

I glared at Castiel and felt the need to slam my head against my desk over and over. I tried to keep my cool but, I lost it.

He mouthed the words I'm sorry to me. I just turned away. I couldn't look him in the eye.

When, the class ended I was going to make a run for it. Until, Castiel pulled me into a tight embrace. I felt my anger and stress melt away all at once. I relaxed and smiled. I accepted the hug. My chest tightened. He was close yet, I felt safe all the same.

"I'm sorry." He spoke his voice was just above a whisper.

"I forgive you." I punched him in the arm lightly with a smile gracing my lips.

***/

The end of the school day came surprisingly quickly. Nathaniel walked to detention arm in arm with Castiel. They entered the classroom.

Various weird kids and some repeat offenders were already in the room. I sat next to Castiel.

The teacher looked as if he was nearing retirement. He seemed bored. His eyes had a blank look to them.

He announced " No, talking, passing notes, drawing or reading. Sleep or stare at the wall. You'll be released in two hours and so will I."

I laid down my head. I felt slightly afraid to fall asleep. What if the dream continued? That thought made me want to sleep. I closed my eyes at once.

(Once, again read at your own risk)

The next thing, I knew I was in Castiel's room again. Sure, enough Castiel was their. Except, this time his shirt was already off.

He stepped forward and his hand stroked my cheek " Hey, baby. Are you ready for round two?"

A hard lump formed in my throat. Whoa. Really, a round two? I'm up for that.

He latched his mouth onto mine forcefully. I didn't resist. I wanted to take control but, I couldn't he overpowered me. Shoving his tongue into my mouth. His breathing grew heavy. I moved my tongue into his mouth roughly. My breathing deepened.

As, we pulled apart their was a string of saliva. His lips moved down to my jawline. His kisses traveled further down to my neck. He sucked on my neck causing me to moan. His body stiffened against mine which made mine heat up.

His hands trailed down my pants. He stroked my head. He slowly undressed me kissing my arms and then, sucking on my hips and sucking on my shoulder.

"You can undress me this time." He winked. His eyes lingered on my body.

"Why are you staring at me?"

"You're just so s-sexy." A deep blush crept onto his cheeks.

I stradled him. I kissed his neck lightly and then, I sucked on it. He gave a light gasp. I smiled.

Then, I let my hands travel further down. I yanked on his belt and struggled to unhook it. I pulled his zipper down as I did I smirked. I slowly took off his pants. I felt my bulge grow. I licked my lips with anticipation.

I grabbed his dick. He got a boner instantly. I stuck my hands in his boxers. His skin felt so soft. He felt good. I stroked him slowly then, faster and faster. Until, He groaned and came. I grinned. Touching him felt so right. I couldn't stop their.

I slid off his boxers and found myself drooling over him. I pushed him onto the bed. I saw the weak look in his eyes. I wanted to satisify him. I made him lie on his back then, I put my lips around his tip. I sucked slowly. I licked it. Then, I took him in all the way until, he was satisified. He moaned softly. I licked my lips.

I turned him onto his stomach and entered him. i went in slowly then, faster and harder. I became more rough and aggressive as I thrust into him. He moaned and moaned. With each moan, I couldn't help but, smile. He moaned loudly. We were both sweating heavily by now.

"Now, its my turn." He whispered in my ear seductively.

He got ontop of me. He blew in my ear. He sucked on my neck aggressively. He spread my legs apart and thrust into me slowly then, faster and faster. His body became hard against mine. He moaned as he got rougher with me. His eyes were filled with lust. He kissed my neck lightly. He thrust into me more aggressively and I clutched the sheets. My breathing grew heavy. He breathed down my neck and I moaned loudly. I moaned again and again.

My breath grew short. I moaned. "C-Castieel. Castiel."

His movements seemed to have a new motive. Castiel was driven by passion instead of lust he sucked on my neck softly then, greedily. He then kissed me lightly then, he cupped my face and deepened the kiss. He slid his tongue in ever so gently and let me take control of his mouth. I made the kiss rough again by thrusting my tongue into his mouth. He was delighted by this. He kissed my jawline then, he moved down to my neck. He sucked on my nipple then, thrust into me while straddling my hips. His body was hard and he steadily grew rougher and more passionate.

I moaned loudly "C-Castiel."

The bedroom floated away. My eyes opened.

"Uh... Nathaniel." Castiel said with bright red cheeks.

"Huh?..." I answered half-asleep.

"I, uh... kind of heard you moan my name. You weren't exactly quiet about it. I covered for you though."

My cheeks turned to a deep red. "Oh...uh, this is awkward." Curse, this mouth of mine.

He spoke in a whisper. " The dream was about me, wasn't it?"

"I-uh..." Fuck, I was caught. Sweat dripped down my brow and my palms felt sweaty as well. I, also felt sick.

"You're caught. Just admit it." He winked.

_Come, on think of something brain. It was another Castiel. You heard what you wanted to hear. No that's no good either. I didn't like the dream no, that won't work either that's just plain stupid. Why, is it so hard to breathe right now?_

"Okay, fine. I was. Both...times." I looked him in the eyes. As, I did my heart beat wildely inside my chest.

"That's kind of awesome. Was I top or bottom?" He smiled.

"Uh... Mainly top..." I looked away trying my best not to grin or smirk.

He grinned and winked "Hells ya." He stuck out his tongue.

"So, does this mean you're bi? Cause, I never did ask if you like guys and girls?"

"I-I...guess so."

"This means you want me right?" He winked at me.

My heart was beating like a hammer. I blushed a deep red "I...uh...I, yes in a way." I looked away quickly. Finally, I'd said something not stupid.

"I'm cool with that." His eyes light up and he winked at me again.

I winked back at him and gave him a small smile. He placed his hand over mine and gave my hand a gentle squeeze. His hands were suprisingly soft. I melted at his touch.

"You're so...cute." A fair blush graced his cheeks.

My blush deepened.

"Ten minutes left." The teacher announced.

Just, then I heard a male voice behind us whisper. "Are they gay?"

Castiel responded. "Who the hell asked you?"

"S-sorry." He stuttered.

Castiel turned around. "Who is he to judge me?" He shook his head.

I nodded in agreement. He laced his fingers through mine and looked into my eyes with a meaningful gaze. His smile felt warm. My heart pounded inside my chest.

Ten, short minutes later our teacher dismissed us.

He said " You're all free now and so, am I."

Castiel and I walked out of the room arm in arm.

"...Nathaniel."

"Hmm?"

"Can, I walk you home?"

"I-if, you want too." I gushed.

"I do." He winked and lead me to the courtyard. He hopped over the fence and so did I.

When, we reached my house.

I turned to Castiel and said "Thanks for walking me home."

"I-... you're welcome." He clearly meant to say something else but, what?

I raised an eyebrow " What, did you want to say?"

"If , you must know. I wanted to walk you home...Think nothing of it, Nat." His ears became beet red.

"Very, well then." I still felt skeptical of his answer.

"Goodbye."

"Bye." I watched him walk off in the opposite direction.

Why, had he called me Nat? Something's off here. Does he... could he possibly like me? No, no that's crazy. This is Castiel after all. I begged my heart to be , I realized that Castiel had been treating me like a girlfriend. For, example walking me home. Also, flirting with me and teasing. I had to face facts Amber is dead on about him. It kills me too admit it but, she's right.

**/

Today was D-day. In, other words the day of Castiel's test. All my hard work had been leading up to this moment. My palms were sweating. I gripped onto my pencil tighter. I felt the information slipping away now, that I was actually taking the test. To relax, my nerves I took a deep breath in and I exhaled.

I opened my eyes and focused on the task at hand. Out of the corner I saw Iris give me a thumbs up and mouth to me. "You got this." She smiled, I smiled back and nodded in return. Then, much to my amazement, I was done with my test in the blink of an eye. I raised my hand and my teacher picked up my paper.

"Castiel, you're done already? Did you even try?" She crossed her arms and her eyebrows furrowed.

"Yes, look at it first geez." I crossed my arms at her.

She examined my handiwork " Wow, Castiel nice work." Her tone changed and she flashed me a smile.

"Are, you hitting on me?" I smirked at her jokingly.

She patted me on the shoulder "Good job. So, tell me who helped you? And you know, I'll expect more from you, now on." Her smile brightened.

"A friend."

"Who might that be?"

"Nathaniel."

"...Really?" Her eyes widened.

Iris voiced in. "That's his special friend." She winked at me.

My cheeks reddened. "He-is not. Shut up. Nobody wanted your input."

Our teacher walked away ever so casually their was no doubt about it, Iris made her uncomfortable. Gotta love Iris, she's so cute.

She whispered to me. " I heard from a reliable source that you held Nathaniel's hand in detention. Also, that Nathaniel said your name. I asked Lysander about it and he wouldn't tell me anything. I know his hiding something."

"You heard about that. I wouldn't look into it, if I were you. I have to keep you innocent after all." I put my hand over hers.

"Oh, so its like that? Mr. Perv prefers to keep me in the dark." She pouted.

"Iris, Nathaniel... dreamt a naughty dream involving me. He admitted to being bi."

Her lips formed into an O. "R-really? That explains all the weird stuff, that's been going on lately. I knew you liked someone." She smiled proud of herself.

"Since, when are you so nosy? You're reminding me a lot of Candy." I poked her nose while wearing a bright smile.

"I guess, I picked up on some of her behaviors. I'm around her a lot."

"I see."

"I'm happy for you. So, when are you gonna tell him?"

"When, the time is right."

"Tell me how it goes." She smiled and went back to her test.

I couldn't help but, smile sheepishly. I sighed to myself. Her words were encouraging. If, I fail she'll be by my side and if I succeed she'll be their to congratulate me.

**/

Peggy had been buzzing around like a bee. She told Candy what she knew. Then, as Nathaniel was standing by his locker. Candy just about knocked him over. As, I steadied myself.

Candy asked me " Are, you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Why are you in such a hurry?" I questioned her.

"I was on my way to find Lysander. Haven't you heard their's an orienteering event? Peggy told me."

"She's not supposed to know that. Who else have you told?" I face-palmed.

"Don't get mad but, everyone." She gave me a sweet smile.

"Huh, why are you looking for Lysander?" I raised an eyebrow at her curiously.

"Well, I heard we're working in pairs and I want Lysander to be my partner for once."

"Oh." My face fell. Where would that leave me?

"You and Castiel could be partners."

My face reddened. "Uh, yeah. I guess so."

"Why is your face all red?"

"Just, the way you said it could easily be misinterpreted."

"Oh, right. I thought... Nevermind."

"No, please tell me."

Her voice dropped to a whisper. " Don't you like Castiel?"  
My cheeks burned brighter and my ears went beet red. "I-uh..."

Just, then Castiel popped up. "What do we have here?"

Candy "I-I was just leaving." She scurried off. Lucky.

"Why is your face so red?"

I could feel my heart beat pounding inside my chest.

"I..."

"Was she hitting on you?" He raised an eyebrow at me.

"What? No, don't you know she has a thing for Lysander and frankly I'm not interested in her."

"Fair enough."

"Wait, a second were you jealous?"

A deep blush crept onto his cheeks which, spread to his ears.

"N-no. Don't be ridiculous." He looked away.

"Their's no need to be." I stepped closer to him until, we were barely two inches apart. I stroked his cheek. Then, I cupped his face bringing it towards mine unconciously.

"Nathaniel..." He breathed into my ear. I swooned.

Then, the our principal's voice announced over the inner-com " All, students please report to classroom B."

I took a step back. "... Sorry." I looked at the ground.

"Don't be." He tilted my head up towards his and winked at me with a broad smile on his face.

I smiled back at him. We headed down the hall and into classroom B. Then, we sat next to each other. I'd come so close to kissing him, what was I thinking? I felt light-headed from the ordeal.

"All right, everyone's here now. We're having an orienteering event to help raise money for the school. Mr. Faraize is in charge of the race. You will each need a slip from Mr. Boris and a uniform . Their will be teams of two. Won't that be fun?"

Everyone cheered.

"This blows." Castiel stated eyeing Lysander and Candy.

"Do, you wanna be my partner?" I asked him.

"Hmm, uh... sure thing. Better you than, some ditzy girl." He said rather loudly while, looking at Amber.

"Hey, I take offense to that. Like, I'd wanna be your partner anyways. Besides, Cappucine is my partner." She crossed her arms.

"You mean your follower?"

I couldn't help but, chuckle.

"Its not funny, Nathaniel."

"Yes, it is." I smirked.

The principal announced. " You can all go back to class now."

And, so we returned to class. I slipped away from the crowd to catch my breath. My heartbeat intensed to the point where it was throbbing with pain. Each beat was a death sentence within my chest. My head felt cloudy. Reality seemed to be slipping from my fingertips.

I sighed to myself and for a long while, I just stared at the floor. Confusing feelings kept eating away at my insides. The desires I'd been pushing away for so long had awakened with a powerful. They wouldn't just let me be. These thoughts are screaming inside of me. I've fought them for so long but, now I don't want to hide how I feel anymore. I don't have the slightest clue as to how to deal with these feelings. I know that this isn't wrong but, I feel like it should be. It leaves a sickening feeling in the pit of my chest. Admitting the truth to him or really to anyone, will make all of this real. I just don't think I'm ready for that yet.

_When, I look in the mirror I see who I want to be. Through your eyes, I see_

_Oh, Father I want to know_

_Why won't you just let me be me?_

_Just answer me this_

_What's wrong with me?_

_As, I try to get through to you_

_Once, again you shatter the glass_

_And I fall to the ground_

_The window is broken _

_I wasted all this time hoping _

_waiting on a pipe dream_

_I try to live my life_

_To feel how you think I should_

_but, what you perceive is not the real me_

_Am I doomed to play pretend?_

_When, you put me down_

_The knife tentalizes me_

_It pulls me away _

_With it, I can't see_

_I can't feel _

_Tell me what's real_

_As, I spiral downwards_

_and slip away_

_from myself_

_I hear your words echoing in my ears_

_Tears fill my eyes_

_Can't you see through my disguise?_

_I guess you'll always be blind_

_You don't want to face the truth _

_So, how can I?_

_If, I were to die_

_would you even shed a tear?_

_Would you notice If I wasn't their?_

_Have you ever really cared about anyone _

_other than, yourself_

_I try to talk you_

_I do my best to do as you say_

_I wish for these feelings to go away_

_but, they will not sway_

_They decide to stay_

_When, it comes down to it_

_I have no say_

_So, please forgive me_

_How, can I accept myself?_

_If you never accept me_

_When, I open my mouth_

_You make sure I keep it shut_

_So, I've kept it under lock and key_

_but, all I ever really wanted was for you_

_to listen to me_

_/_

_"_Nathaniel?" A familar voice sounded.

"Lysander." I lifted up my head and looked in his eyes. I was crouched on the floor hugging my knees. And, their wasn't a thing I could do. The only thing I felt like doing was crying. These feelings are tearing me apart.

"Are, you okay? I noticed you were missing." I could hear the concern in his voice as clear as day.

"No, not at all..." I spoke my mind while, keeping eye-contact with him. My voice sounded hollow.

"How come?" He gazed at me with a perplexed look on his face. He put an arm around me.

"I-I'm so confused. I doubt you'll understand but, I don't want to feel the way I do about Castiel. Yet, I can't stop it." My voice cracked. Tears brimmed the edges of my eyes. I hide my face with my hands. _I felt so close to breaking down and I couldn't let him see me like that. There's just no way he'll understand. I can't be GAY, I just can't be._

"You're right, I can't fully understand because, I'm not in your shoes. However, I can imagine how it feels. You're wrong, I can understand not wanting to like someone." His words felt powerful.

He went on. "This might not be what you wanna hear but, I hope you'll take what I have to say to heart."

I nodded weakly as tears spilled out of my eyes. Lysander's grip on me tightened as he pulled me into his arms. His touch was comforting. I met his eyes.

"You can't stop how you feel. Ignoring it, won't make it go away. Lying is wrong. Everyone hates to be lied to. So, the worst thing you can do is sit their and lie to yourself. Yes, feelings are scary and people do get hurt but, I trust you not to hurt my best friend, don't make me regret it." His eyes pierced mine.

I wiped away my tears.

"You're right. I just need to face the truth. I'm not ready to do that though. I shouldn't be afraid. Thank you, Lysander. I promise you, I would never intentionally hurt Castiel. You can trust me."

"I hope so." He ended our embrace.

We then, headed to class. My heart felt lighter in my chest. I glanced at Castiel and smiled to myself. There's nothing to fear as long as you're here. And, I know somehow it will all be okay.

He noticed me staring and winked at me flirtatiously. He flashed me a grin. I winked back at him and a smirk crept onto my face. My cheeks radiated red and my palms began to sweat. Yet, I felt at peace. Maybe, one day I'll find the courage to tell Castiel how I really feel.


	3. Chapter 3 That was just a Dream

/***

Castiel opened his front door and walked in smiling from ear to ear.

"Mom, Dad you'll never guess what happened at school today." I called out.

"Oh, yeah that's right their not here. There never here." I said to myself. A frown formed on my face.

I slumped onto my couch. "What do I care? Like, I even want them here." I vented outloud in a frustrated tone.

My eyes darted around the room. Stopping, at a photo of the three of us. It was torn and tattered. The frame was worn-out. We looked happy. I was three years old at the time. My parents were young and happy. They weren't work-alcholics. Now, my mom never have time for me.

If, she was here what would I even tell her? When, my mom is home she's over-bearing and I can't wait for her to leave. So, why do I miss her?

I wish I could talk to my mom. I miss her mothering me. I'd share my excitement with her. She would smile and tease me relentlessly. I might get embarassed about it but, I'd love every second of it. She's my mom and I love her. She doesn't call that often.

Sometimes, its like I don't have parents. I feel so alone in this world but, when I'm with Nathaniel its like I was never alone in the first place.

He nearly kissed me today. So, why did he stop? All my senses froze at that he mean to kiss me? My cheeks light up at the thought.

If, only their was someone to share my excitement with. I do hope that Nathaniel will bring up the almost kiss. Does he really like me? What does it matter? What, am I saying? Of, course it matters.

We'll be all alone tommorrow. I'll Nathaniel all to myself. No, Melody to get in the way. Why is she so crazy about him anyway? His not interested. She'd better not bug us.

When, I went to bed. Sleep came rather easily or so it seemed.

I was in the car with my dad. Somehow, I was twelve years old again. I stared at my dad in amazement. Then, I recognized the scenery. I panicked internally. I knew what would happen next.

An, oncoming car came towards at a dangerous speed colliding with our car. I clenched my eyes shut. My heartbeat quickened and my breathe intensed.

I opened my eyes to see my dad's head severely gashed and bleeding a lot.

I heard myself scream as tears began clouding my vision. " Dadddd. Nooooooo. Noooooooooo." I screamed until, my throat was sore. I cried until, I had no more tears.

I slipped my fingers out of his hand. His gasping for air and their is nothing I can do. Except, watch him die right before my eyes.

No, no wake up. Don't make me watch anymore. I just can't take it. This is torcher. Everytime, its the same dream.

Thankfully, I wake up. I gasp for air. I'm unable to breathe at first. Its as if I was holding my breathe for a really long time. My shirt was drenched in sweat. I tugged off my shirt and threw it on the floor. My back and chest were covered in a cold sweat.

Even, after nearly six years. I still feel responsible for his death. I can't get the images of him dying out of my head. His why I can't sleep at night. Why couldn't he have died a normal death? What bothers me most is that I never got to say goodbye. He was my bestfriend. Now, his gone. Would he be proud of me? My life hasn't been the same since, that day and it never will be.

{/*}

The following day.

We all went to the gym to get our uniforms. Then, after I received my grey uniform with blue stripes.

asked me "Have you turned in your slip?"

"What slip?"

"This one." He handed me a slip where you have to give your partner's name.

"Ugh, noone told me. Very well." I sighed and filled out the slip.

I handed it back to him. He glanced at the sheet.

"You're partners with Nathaniel." He stated.

"Yes." I shot a glare at him and went into the guys locker room.

I took off my t-shirt. Then, I pulled my jacket on over my black undershirt and I zipped it up. I removed my pants and slipped into the grey sweatpants.

I headed out of the locker room and through the gym. To stand in the courtyard. Nathaniel was waiting their for me it seemed. I walked over to him and stood beside him.

"Hey, so what are you doing here?" I asked him trying my best to sound casual.

"I-uh, just waiting for everyone else. We'll be getting on the buses shortly."

"Admit, it you came too see me." I smirked at him.

"Well, I don't see your name written in the courtyard so its not yours."

"As, a matter of fact I do have my name written on that bench or rather my initials and I scratched you know who's initials plus the other half of the heart."

I pointed to where my name was.

"Oh, huh. I never noticed that."

"Should I write your name next to mine and finish the heart?" I winked at him and flashed him a teasing grin.

His cheeks radiated red "I-uh...are you serious?" He raised an eyebrow at me curiously.

"Nah, man I was just teasing you. Your reaction was cute."

"Thanks... I like your uniform." He winked at me.

My cheeks reddened. "Huh... , it looks like everyone else's."

"True but, you wear it well." He winked at me flirtatiously.

My blush deepened. "Are, you hitting on me?"

"No, I'm just messing with you ." He replied sarcasticely.

"Why...you."

"How, does it feel?" He stuck out his tongue at me.

"If, I were you I wouldn't stuck your tongue out at me. Something might happen next time, if you catch my drift." I winked at him. My blush vanished altogether.

His cheeks however light up as bright as a red rose. I chuckled.

Then, the rest of our classmates, the principal, and walked into the courtyard.

Our principal announced "Alright, everyone let's board the bus."

We all followed her. I, of course sat with Nathaniel. Lysander wasn't hard to find. His hair easily gave him away. I waved at him. He waved back.

The ride was suprisingly short. Our bus soon came to stop and we all rushed off the bus in a hurry.

Nathaniel and I chatted with Lysander and Candy while waiting for our instructions.

The principal then, announced " Alright, you may explore for a bit. Then, we'll meet at the starting line in around ten minutes. Their will be three events."

Nathaniel and I took off to familarize ourselves with the surroundings.

"Nathaniel."

"Yes?"

"Can we talk about what happened the other day?"

"Yes, later." His voice sounded cold.

"I mean, we don't have to."

"But, we should. Just, not right now." He brushed off my comment. To, my surprise he sounded upbeat. Which, came as a relief.

Perhaps this wouldn't go horribly. In, my mind I'd only been picturing the worst scenarios. We made our way back to the first event. Everything was in place and our opponents from the nearest school had arrived. I noticed that Dajan and the kid with weird green hair were hanging around. Hmm...weird.

handed out the maps. Nathaniel snatched the map and put it away for safe keeping.

"Alright, the first event is too find your way to the checkpoint. Good luck everyone." announced and took off.

"So, where's the map?" I asked Nathaniel.

"Uh...er, I just had it a second ago." He frantically turned out his pockets. "Oh, dear it seems I've lost the map."

"Well, you got us into this. Get us out. Lead the way partner."

"Okay." He took the first left then, headed straight.

"Do, you know where were going?"

"Nope, I haven't got the slighest clue. This direction just seems right. Let's take another left, I've got a good feeling about this."

"Its, your fault if we get lost." I remarked.

"Trust me." We took the next left and low and behold we found the next checkpoint.

"You kick ass." I smiled at him.

He chuckled. "Nicely, put."

"Thank, you."

Mr. Faraize stated. "Oh, my I've lost my stamp. I need it for the next stamp. This isn't good. The principal will have my head."

Everyone from our school began to search for the stamp. We walked along until, we found Iris.

"Hey, Iris. Any idea what happened to the stamp?" I raised an eyebrow at her.

"I think Amber knows. She seemed up to... no good." She looked as if she might bit her tongue. Sweet Iris she never wants to speak ill of anyone no matter how much they deserve it.

"Thanks, Iris."

We continued walking, a few feet later we came across Amber and Cappucine.

Amber was definitely showing off her body but, for who?

"Amber, zip up your jacket. You look like a hussy!" Nathaniel snapped at her.

I smirked at his comment.

She pulled up her zipper. "Satisified?"

"Yeah, so have you seen the stamp little missy?" He asked her.

"Fine, I had it but, I dropped it in the forest by accident." She grimaced. Guilt shined in her eyes.

"Good going." I remarked. I crossed my arms at her.

"I didn't mean to."

"Thanks, anyway Amber." Nathaniel smiled at her kindly.

"You're welcome." She smirked.

As, soon as we were out of earshot. I asked him in disbelief. " Why'd you let her off so easy?"

"She admitted the truth to us and she's known to lie until, she's blue in the face. So, we should consider ourselves lucky."

"You make a good point." I sighed.

Once, again we stumbled upon Iris.

"Hey, any luck?" I asked her.

"Yeah, actually I found the stamp."

"Great, let's head back." I smiled at her warmly.

We all walked back to the starting point and awaited our instructions.

"Alright, you all. Its time for our second event. The scavenger hunt." Mr. Faraize told us in an excited voice. He handed out the lists.

Nathaniel and I looked over the list. It read.

.an object created by a man

.something shiny

. a leaf as big as a hand

. an inhabitant of the forest (no insects)

. a print

.an insect

"Well, let's get started." Nathaniel said.

I nodded in agreement. We headed down the path scoping the area as we walked.

"Alright, an insect." I picked up a rolly-polley.

"Check."

"Oh, a knife." I exclaimed.

"One object created by man, check."

We walked further down the path to the river.

"Something, shiny." Nathaniel said to himself.

"Like gold."

"No, something silver. Oh, I think I found it." He held a shiny nugget in his hand.

"Congrats. Three down and three to go."

We kept walking until, I noticed an odd shape next to a rock. I bent down and found a plastic bunny.

"I think I found an inhabitant of the forest."

"Good work. Two to go. Now, where could that leaf be?"

As, soon as Nathaniel finished speaking the wind picked up and a leaf flew at his face. I grabbed it. Just our luck, it was the leaf we'd been searching high and low for.

"That was easy. Did you use your summoning powers?" I pretended to be amazed.

"Yes. Behold my summoning powers." He joked.

"Teach me."

"All in good time." He spoke in a mocking tone.

I laughed loudly. "That was too much." My sides started to ache from laughing but, it was well worth it. When, had I last laughed like that. A smile crept onto my lips.

We then, circled around the big tree and discovered the print. How did we miss it before? I guess feelings make you a little slow.

Our teacher had up and vanished. We had to track him down. It felt like a goose chase but, in the end we found him. It was as if he'd abandoned us.

The third event would start soon. I saw Dajan and the weird green haired kid again. They must be participating in some way.

Dajan came over to us.

"Hi, Castiel. You two have to find five letters on trees and tell me what the word is."

"Okay, Dajan. Piece of cake."

Nathaniel and I easily found the five letters in no time. We reported back to him.

"What's the word?" He joked.

How lame is that? " Paris."

"Very, good. You may go forth. I have faith in you."

"Uhh...thanks." I gave him a weird look.

"Go get 'em."

We ran on ahead.

"What should we do?" Nathaniel asked me.

"Huh?"

"The race is pretty close. How can we win?" His eyes saddened.

"Let's, uh... cut through here." I pointed towards an unmarked path.

"Do, you know where it leads?"

"I have no idea. You wanna win right?"

"Yeah. Huh, okay." He followed me down the path.

However. even though the path seemed pretty straight forward at first soon the path began winding and winding then, the path just ended.

"Crap, we're lost." I breathed.

Nathaniel slumped to the ground. He was in the process of catching his breath.

"No, shit."

"Look, man I'm sorry."

"Its alright, they'll come back for us. Its too bad we can't retrace our steps. Why'd I lose the map in the first place? This is my fault too."

"Come on, man you can't wallow in self pity. Its my fault we went this way. You shouldn't be sorry for wanting to win."

"You're right. Its getting dark."

"Aw, are you afraid of the dark?" I mocked him.

"I most certainly am not! I've never been camping. What if these woods are dangerous?"

"Don't worry. I'll protect you." I winked at him and flashed him a grin.

Nathaniel blushed furiously.

"Heh, you're so cute."

"Oh, you." He pushed me lightly.

"You know you love it." I smirked at him flirtatiously.

"I wasn't complaining." He grinned and winked at me.

I winked back.

He laid down on the ground. I laid down next to him. The stars began to light up the night sky. It was beautiful.

"Hey, you remember when you fixed Amber's doll?"

"Ahaha, don't remind me. I've regretted it ever since. I'm just glad she finally realized that I'm not interested." I slipped my arm around Nathaniel's waist. Bringing him closer to me.

Instead, of fighting it. He rested his head on my chest.

"Yeah maybe, in time you'll realize that she's not so bad."

"I doubt it."

"She's sixteen and she thinks she's alwats right. Amber's just trying to find herself. She's good at heart."

"I feel like she has you wrapped around her finger."

"No, I can see through her bullshit."

"Heh, good." I cracked a smile.

"You remember when we first met?"

"Of, course I do. We both got detention for wrestling on the playground. I ripped out your hair."

"Yeah, you made a bald spot. You sure put up a hell of a fight."

"Good times." I smiled.

We continue to reminisce about the past excluding, Deborah of course. Despite the circumstances, I was happy to have his company. A part of me, didn't want to be found.

"Nathaniel..."

"Hmm?" He answered me sleepily.

"Did, you mean to kiss me the other day?"

"I-I don't know. I didn't realize what I was doing." He looked away embarassed.

"I wish you had." I slipped my fingers through his and squeezed his hand. He squeezed my hand shyly. I bent down and kissed his cheek.

"Castiel..." He gazed into my eyes with the intensity of a thousand suns. My heart pounded inside my chest at an alarming rate as the space between us grew closer.

"What?"To my astonishment, he pecked me on the cheek lightly. My cheeks burned a deep red.

He, then laid his head on my chest and snuggled up next to me. I wrapped my arm around his waist again pulling him closer.

We slept in each other arms like that until, the sun began beating down on us.

A recognizable voice called out. "C-Castiel?" The voice sounded startled. It belonged to Candy.

I forced one eye open to see Candy. At first, I didn't react. I forget where I was. That was until, I saw that Nathaniel was lying ontop of my chest shirtless. When, the hell did that happen? I tried to keep my jaw from dropping.

My face burned a crimson shade of red. The color spread to my ears and down to my neck. I was fighting a full-on body blush. God, this is embarassing. Then, I noticed that who else but, Lysander was by her side. Oh, crap.

"I-uh, h-hey guys." I stammered and didn't make eye contact. How could I? I felt sick all at once. I shook Nathaniel awake in desperation.

He simply groaned and pinned me down. Damn, this is hot. I was at a lost. So, I quickly kissed Nathaniel on the cheek. Surely, enough he finally stirred.

In, other words he jumped up. His cheeks flushed a deep pink. He put one hand on his cheek. Then, he took notice of Lysander and Candy.

"What, the hell Castiel? What's the meaning of this?"

I simply admired his chest. He had sexy abs that was definitely certain.

"Heh, I-uh. You sure have a lot of abs for a nerd. Nice, chest." I winked at him.

His blush deepened. " I-uh... thanks." He crossed his arms over his chest. He looked as if he wanted to crawl in a hole and die.

"No, need to be so modest." I winked at him.

"So, where is my shirt?"

"Hell, if I know." I winked at him suggestively and gave him a mischievious grin.

"Uh, er- Castiel. We came to show you two the way back. Everyone was really worried." Lysander informed us. His cheeks tinged a light pink.

Nathaniel pulled back on his shirt and his jacket.

"I-uh, so... you guys know. Castiel and I were just huddling for warmth, that's all!" His ears turned beet red. It was pretty adorable.

"Really then, why was your shirt off?" Lysander smirked at him.

"Oh, shut up Lysander." His cheeks flamed a deep red.

"Heh, cute." I commented.

Lysander continued to tease Nathaniel. They walked a good few feet ahead of us. As if they'd forgotten about Me and Candy altogether.

"I saw you drooling over Nathaniel's chest. So, that's what you like eh?" Candy teased me with a small , devilish grin upon her lips.

"I was-not!" A deep blush light up my cheeks.

"You so were." Her grin widened and she elbowed me playfully.

"Oh, hush. I only said that stuff to mess with him."

"Why'd you kiss him on the check huh?"

She had a good point. Damn it. What the hell can I say now?

"To wake him up." I answered.

"You keep telling yourself that. " She smirked.

"Shut up." I grumbled at her.

"You want him. Even, Rosa says so."

"W-what!" I raised my voice at her in surprise.

"Oh- I, just pretend you didn't hear that . Rosa swore not to tell anyone. I wasn't supposed to tell you." She sounded on the verge of panic.

"What, did he tell her? What do you know woman?!" I clenched my fist.

"His keeping her in the loop. Just that you like Nathaniel and that Nathaniel likes you."

"Is, Lysander certain?" My eyes widened.

"Yes, er- Nathaniel told him." She looked away shyly.

"Hell, yes." I smiled at her. The words may have slipped out but, I meant them. As, I realized this a deep blush crept onto my cheeks.

"You're happy? Awwh." She smiled her infectious smile.

"Why, wouldn't I be? Don't worry, I won't let on that I know." I winked at her and patted her on the head.

"Phew." She sighed of relief.

We caught up with the guys and headed to our school. Nathaniel and I slipped away to the garden. Mainly due to Candy distracting Lysander and winking at me, to be on my way.

Nathaniel sat on a bench. I plopped down beside him and I let my arm drop down to around his waist. I pulled him close to me.

"So..." I started my sentence and then, I paused.

"Yes?"

"How, do you feel about me?" I asked him. I immediately bit down on my bottom lip. My stomach churned. Butterflies arose within my chest.

"I-I-I, still don't know. Its confusing. I don't want to feel the way I do about you but, at the same time I-I don't want whatever this is to stop. Its like we... have something-er-uh special." He looked away as he spoke the last sentence.

"I know all too well, what you mean. That's because, we do. We've done everything together from day 1. We can do this together too." I squeezed his hand.

He squeezed my hand. I stroked his palm. Then, I removed my hand and stroked his cheek with the back of my hand while, gazing into his eyes. The bell rang.

"Huh, I guess we should get to class." I groaned.

"Way, to ruin the moment bell." He joked.

"Heh, yeah really." We walked to class arm in arm.

(*)/

A few weeks later.

The idea of having a concert at the school had arose. It was of course to be held to raise money. Peggy had been spreading the news like wildfire as expected.

Nathaniel figured that Castiel and Lysander would play for sure. Rosalaya would of course make them costumes. The only question that remained was who would play alongside them?

Their were posters on the wall advertising the concert. Would a concert really take place? If, so where would they hold it? Perhaps, the basement.

Just, then Candy walked up to me.

"Hey, Nathaniel. I got the amp. The principal said we can have the concert in the basement. Will you help us clean out the basement?"

"Yeah."

"Yay. I'm gonna help Lysander. Castiel's waiting for you, in the basement." Her cheeks tinged a light pink. What's with her? Does she know something she shouldn't. No, I'm just paranoid that's all. She probably just feels awkward because, of Castiel kissing me on the cheek. That's gotta be it.

"Uh...okay. See 'ya later." I turned around and walked down the hall not waiting for a reply.

I pushed open the door. Sure, Castiel and I had talked but, not about what happened. I felt anxious due to the fact that we'd be all alone.

I turned the doorknob and I crept down the stairs. I wasn't sure why but, I felt like I didn't belong.

"Nathaniel?" Castiel said my name as if it were a question.

"Hi, Castiel." I smiled at him trying to hide my nervousness.

"So, are you here to help?"

"Yes. Lysander and Candy will be joining us in a little while."

"Oh." He smiled a mischievious smile.

What was he thinking? I felt on edge. What's with that look in his eyes? In that instance, I forgot how to breathe.

" Heh, we could almost hide behind those boxes there and get to business." He raised his eyebrows suggestively. He grinned at me flirtalously. He now stood a measly foot away from me.

I blushed ferociously. My ears went beet red as well.

"Very funny." I scoffed. I did my best to shrug off his suggestion.

"Who said I was joking?" He winked at me.

"Are you..." I asked him timidely.

"You'll never know." He whispered in my ear.

We heard approaching footsteps. I recognized Lysander's and Candy's voices. I went to greet them but, all of the sudden Castiel tackled me to the ground.

He pinned me down. My cheeks burned a bright red. His eyes gazed into mine. I felt my blush deepen.

"Castiel... what are you doing?"

"Shush." He pressed his finger against my lips.

My heart started to drum inside my chest. My palms were sweating. A part of me longed for Lysander and Candy to discover us. That way Castiel wouldn't go through with this. The last thing I want to do is hurt him.

The next thing, I knew his lips crushed against mine. They were suprisingly soft and his touch was gentle.

He seemed to be waiting for me to react. He cupped my face and brought it closer to me. My insides had frozen. I felt a bulge against my leg for a brief second. A warm feeling spread down my spine. I pressed my lips against his. I felt like I was floating. I could hear his heart beat in my ears. His mouth opened and his tongue entered my mouth.

Then, something within me snapped. I shoved him off of me. My father's voice reached my ears. "Being gay is immoral."

"Stop... I can't. I'm not like you." My voice sounded broken.

"Why'd you kiss back? What do you mean you're not like me?"

"I-I'm not gay. Being gay is immoral. I'm not an abomination." I hear my father's words pour out of my mouth but, I don't mean them.

He looked hurt at first then, those feelings twisted into rage. He clenched his fists until, his knuckles were white.

"Fuck you! You're the first guy, I've ever kissed and this is thanks I get. Don't ever speak to me again!" He stormed off.

I sunk to the ground. Tears trickled down my chest. The ache in my chest felt like a knife piercing my heart. My body convulsed into loud sobs. I tried to wipe away my tears but, they were instantly replaced. I didn't care who heard me. In, that moment I truly hated myself.

He'll never talk to me again. Why, did I say all those horrible things? I just don't want to be gay. I-I can't be.

Lysander to Candy. " I'll check on Nathaniel, you go after Castiel."

She nodded and took off.

Lysander came over to me. "Get up." He urged me in a demanding voice. One without pity. He simply extended his hand.

I grasped it and he helped pull me up. I clung to his chest and sobbed into his shirt.

"Nathaniel, get ahold of yourself." He spoke in a sharp voice.

"How?" I answered him. _I felt as if my heart was going to give out. Yet, its beats sounded like a drum and the room was starting to spin. I thought I might faint as a sudden onset of nausea kicked in. It felt as if someone was twisting my insides. I could hardly see straight._

"Take a deep breathe in and out."

I did as instructed and I could see clearly. However, I still felt horrible about what I'd done. I felt angry at myself.

"Now, tell me what happened."

"Castiel kissed me, I kissed back but, then, I shoved him off and I told him being gay was immoral and that his an abomination. He got really pissed and told me never to speak to him again. I felt like it wasn't me doing it. It was an out-of- body experience."

"Do you believe what you told Castiel?" He asked me.

"No. I was just afraid. I wish I could take it back. I didn't mean any of it." Tears spilled out of my eyes and the ache inside my chest awakened.

"If, you did I would've had to hit you. However, you did break our promise but, don't worry I forgive you. Castiel isn't one to forgive though."

"He took my first kiss." I confessed.

"I know." He simply replied.

"How, do you feel about Castiel?" He asked me.

"I like him so much that my heart hurts. He makes my heart race and I feel sick whenever, I'm around him. He makes me dizzy and I can't stop thinking about him. Does he really like me?"

"Well, I'll tell you this. He doesn't kiss just anyone. Are you gonna be okay?" His eyes were comforting and warm. I felt like he understood me.

"That depends will Castiel ever forgive me?" I tried my best to keep my voice from cracking.

"Yes but, his pretty stubborn so he will pretend he doesn't care. So, if you want forgiveness you'll have to make the first move."

"I'll do anything." I spoke in a determined tone.

"I'm glad to hear that." He smiled at me softly.

(**)

"Castiel?" Candy asked me.

"Yeah, what the hell do you want?" I wiped away my tears. My eyes were red and puffy. It was all to obvious that I'd been crying.

"Why were you crying?" Her voice was laced with concern.

"I wasn't. I don't cry. Crying is for girls."

"Everyone cries."

"How'd you know where to find me?" I asked her.

"You showed me this place before. How could I forget it?"

We were standing on the balcony of our school. The sun was shining brightly but, I felt like I was dying.

"Heh, so why'd you follow me?" I felt less bitter.

"You seemed upset."

"Nah, just pissed." I answered her honestly.

"Why?"

"Huh, don't laugh."

"I promise, I won't."

" I kissed Nathaniel and he kissed me back but, then he shoved me off of him and told me that I'm an abomination. So, I told him to fuck off and to never speak to me again."

"Oh, wow. I'm sorry Castiel. I can't believe he'd just jerk around your feelings. That asshole." She sounded tearful. She threw her arms around me and pulled into a warm embrace.

I held onto her tightly.

"Thank you." I mumured. A tear fell down my cheek.

"He doesn't deserve you. I completely agree with you but, I don't think you should give up on him."

"Why shouldn't I!" I growled at her.

"Because, you idiot you still care about him."

"What does it matter? He doesn't feel the same way."

"Then, why would he kiss back? You idiot!" She yelled at me. Her eyes became fierce.

Then, it hit me she was right. "He kissed back because, he felt bad for me. That has to be why." I replied in a pitiful tone.

"Do, you hear yourself?!" She argued.

"His not like me." I said lamely.

"Yes, he is! His just scared. You're not going to give up on him. He meant that kiss. I know it was his first kiss." Her eyes stared into mine. They were glowing with determination.

"How do you know that?" I raised an eyebrow at her.

"Rosa knows everything. So, don't just walk away. If, you do I will force you to be around Nathaniel!" She took a defensive stance. Somehow, she's on my side but, she can see the situation through Nathaniel eyes and I can tell that she's not going to let this go.

"Pushy. Fine, I'll consider it." I rolled my eyes at her request. Annoyance flickered on my face. I scowled and crossed my arms.

She gave me a dangerous look. Her eyes were ablaze.

"You're scaring me."

"Good, maybe you'll listen to me for once." She sighed out of frustration.

"Huh, I need a smoke." I sighed.

"Ew." She crinkled her nose in disgust and attempted to rush out the door.

I grabbed her arm.

"Where, are you going? I'm not really going to smoke, you prude." I teased her with a playful grin on my lips.

"Oh... sorry."

"This, just sucks is. I'm so stupid." A tear rolled down my cheeks causing, another to fall. Which, resulted in a chain reaction. I couldn't hold back how I really felt. I tried to rub away the tears but, each time I did they simply multiplied.

Candy wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into a warm embrace. I wanted to fight it at first. Instead, I squeezed her tightly. Then, my tears turned into sobs. I became a pathetic mess. Normally, I never let anyone besides, Lysander, Iris, and my mom see me like this. I don't like to cry infront of other people. I'd rather blast metal or smoke a cigarette or play my guitar.

However, in that moment I just needed to cry. I knew she wouldn't tell anyone. Even, if she did who would believe her? Also, she gets pretty scared when, I threaten her. I couldn't explain it but, I felt safe in her arms.

"Castiel, he didn't mean it..." I heard the tears in her voice loud and clear.

"He means a lot too me. Please, don't cry." I smiled at her weakly. As, I did I felt myself falling apart all over again. I felt weak and broken. It was as if the tears would never end and the ache in my chest would never cease. Could I ever cry enough?

"It hurts me that he hurt you. I don't like to see you like this." Her voice broke and tears trickled down her cheeks.

It was the saddest sight. The image of her crying chipped at my heart. I just wanted her to smile again. I held her closer. I sighed deeply doing my best to hold back the on-coming tears. My throat felt sore.

"Don't cry." I tilted her head up towards mine. I smiled at her.

"Are, you done crying?"

"I think so. To be entirely honest, I still feel like crap." I grimaced.

"Why?" She questioned me.

"What do you mean? You know why." I gave her a confused look.

"Why do you feel bad?"

"I pushed Nathaniel into something his not ready for and this is all my fault. I just wish I could take it back, you know." I gazed at her while, deep in thought.

"Aw, just you wait. He'll realize what he had and he'll want you back. I bet his hurting just as much as you are."

"Thanks, for the pep talk." I said sarcasticely.

"I just meant that he cares about you a lot. I just know it." Their was a gleam in her eye that shined as she spoke.

"You're making me blush." I grinned at her.

"Oh, no I'm doing Nathaniel's job." She teased me with a wide smirk on her face.

"Shut up." I smiled at her softly.

"There's that smile I know and love."

"Oh, you." I pushed her lightly.

"You know, I'm you're favorite." She stuck her tongue out at me and grinned victoriously.

I stuck out my tongue at her. The air felt a lot less tense. I could breathe and smile and laugh but, without Nathaniel their it wasn't the same. What good are feelings if you can't share them with the one who matters the most to you?

(**)


	4. Chapter 4 The one I need

(Nathaniel's P.O.V)

Nathaniel rushed inside his house. I ran straight to my room. Today had been a hell of a day. Castiel had certainly given me a wake-up call. Talking with Lysander helped me see through Castiel's eyes. What was I to do? I'd really screwed up.

I wanted him more than I'd ever wanted anyone. He means the world to me. I'd give anything to take back what I said. Those words weren't mine. It was truly an out-of-body experience. The situation was surreal.

I held my legs against my chest. Can this all just go away? I wish I was normal. As, I was contemplating this my dad barged in without so much, as a knock.

"What are you moping about?" He crossed his arms at me and eyed me suspiciously.

"I wasn't..." I retorted in a sharp tone. The last thing I felt like doing was dealing with my dad.

"Don't speak to me in that tone. You're behaving like a teenage girl." He scoffed at me.

"I-am NOT! Maybe, you should show me some respect and knock for once?" I'd never spoken to him like this before. I couldn't help it, I was fuming.

"Yes, you are. You should show me respect, I'm your father. What did I just tell you, young man?" He growled. He was close to his breaking point and like an idiot I continued to push him.

"Why the hell should I? You've never been a dad to me. You're just a jack-ass. I'll speak to you anyway I like." I shot back at him snarkily.

"I raised you. Put a roof over your head and fed you. You ungrateful little brat. It seems you still haven't learned your lesson. I will not be slandered like this." His eyes glowered at me. He slammed my door shut.

I gulped down a hard lump. Sweat poured down my face. I was instantly filled with regret. He stepped forward and struck me across the face. My cheek turned red. His eyes grew cold. The next blow was so fierce that I nearly fell backwards. With the flowing blow to my mouth, my lip began to bleed. I coughed up blood.

He landed a powerful punch to my stomach. I put my hand over my stomach and groaned in pain. His expression had darkened. He hit me in the mouth again and again. I choked on blood. I could taste it in the back of my throat. I gasped for air as he punched me in the gut again. Luckily, I had eaten much. I still hadn't screamed or begged him to stop like I usually did by now. This angered him, I could see it in his eyes but, I didn't have it in me too care.

He unlooped his belt and threw me to the floor like I was ragdoll. Needless to say that it didn't feel to great to be tossed around like a piece of garbage. The sole of his shoe held me down. He lifted up my shirt, I knew what was coming. I clenched my eyes shut. He whipped my back with his belt over and over. Tears trickled down my face. I cried out in pain. The whole ordeal felt like it would never end. When, he finally stopped. I wiped the blood from my mouth. My throat felt rather dry and my back felt sore. I touched my back briefly to discover that it was bleeding. I winced in pain.

As, he left he stared me down with the belt still in his hand. He glared at me menacingly. I just laid their in a pathetic lump waiting for Amber to help me up. The minutes felt like hours.

I was no longer contemplating what to do. Now, I couldn't stop crying. My stomach and back hurt like hell. I regretted what I'd done but, I didn't regret standing up to him it was well worth the pain. For, the longest time I'd felt like their was nothing I cared about. Not school, or my sister or my dad or my mom. Nothing had mattered for a long while. It felt like I just couldn't anymore. I hated everything and everyone yet, I wore a plastered smile and took all the insults and beatings in stride. Except, now I just can't do that anymore. I won't live a lie.

I thought I couldn't care anyone but, you proved me wrong. The truth is no matter what you do or say. I will not go away. I found someone to care about. Why, out of all the people is it you? Why do I care so damn much about you? I can't stop thinking about you. I hurt you and I just feel terrible. I don't want to give up on Castiel. His all I have. I've never felt like this before.

Just, then Amber walked through the door and shut it quietly behind herself.

"Nathaniel..." Her eyes saddened.

"Its my own fault. I angered him, I took my anger out on him."

"Let me help you up." She pulled me up and helped me sit on my bed. She plopped down beside me.

"You can't blame yourself. Let me see the damage." She lifted up my shirt.

"Oh, good god." She sounded close to tears.

"I'll be alright. Amber, can we... not talk about it?" I requested.

"Okay." She obliged.

"Amber, I wanna tell you something I've never told anyone."

"Go ahead." She encouraged me.

"You have to promise not to make fun of me." I blushed.

"Aw but, that takes all the fun out of it. Fine, I promise I won't."

"Thank you. I'm gay or bi. All, I know is I'm absolutely crazy about Castiel and I've never really been interested in anyone before now." My blush deepened.

"Aw, that's so sweet."

"Except, I fucked it up. I-well Castiel kissed me earlier and I kissed back. But, then something inside me snapped and I pushed him off. I told that being gay was immoral and pretty much called him an abomination. He told me to never speak to him again. What's wrong with me?"

"Damn, well knowing him. He probably jumped you and that caught you off-guard. Just apologize and come clean to him. He'll respect you for it." She advised me.

"When, did you get so good at giving advice?"

"Hehe, I always give good advice. You just never took it seriously until, now."

"You know, its kind of funny. I never expected to fall for him. Out of all the people why him?"

"Love works in mysterious ways."

My blush became a crimson red shade.

"Aw, is Nathaniel in love?" She grinned mischievously.

"You promised you wouldn't make fun of me." I frowned at her.

"You didn't say not to state the obvious." She smirked.

"Oh, you and your loopholes." I smiled at her.

"Heh, its just so adorable."

I rolled my eyes at her. "Are you done yet?"

"Nope, Nathaniel and Castiel sitting in a tree k-i-s-s-i-n-g." She sang softly in a merry tone.

"Shut up." My eyes turned beet red. My blush darkened to a fiery shade of red.

"Aww, okay-okay. Now, I'm done." She smiled giddily.

"Are you sure?"

She pretended to think it over.

"Yes, thanks for telling me first. I feel special. So, you know my lips are sealed from now on. Your secret is safe with me." She promised me.

"Good, I'm counting on you."

(***)

The following morning, I tugged on my clothes. It was painful getting dressed. Strangely, I was full of energy. My heart was pounding inside my chest. Please, forgive me Castiel.

At, school. Candy approached me right away.

"Hi, so do you play drums?"

"Hey... Well, no." _What an odd question._

"Kim has a set of drums. The guys need a drummer." She explained.

"Did, Castiel send you?" I questioned her.

"No. I know you two aren't on speaking terms but, will you consider it? Could you do it for Lysander?" She smiled at me gently.

" I am a fast learner. I'll think about it."

"Great. You know the Nathaniel, I know is a real out-standing guy. He'd do anything to help out a friend. They need you."

"I'm not so sure, Castiel needs me."

"He does, his just too proud to admit it."

"I admire your spirit."

"So, will you do it or do I need Lysander to convince you?"

"Well, how can I say no to that?" I half-smiled at her.

"Yay, thanks so much. You won't regret this." Candy pulled me into a side-hug. I patted her on the back.

Castiel asked with his arms crossed over his chest. "What's going on here?"

"Nathaniel's going to be your drummer, isn't that wonderful?" She knudged him.

"The hell he is. No, I think you mean its horrible." He scowled.

"He doesn't mean that. Sorry, about that. His got an attitude problem." She spoke as if he wasn't there.

"Indeed, he does."

"Quit, talking about me like I'm not here!" He growled at us.

Candy joked. "Did, you hear something?"

"I think it was just the wind." I added. I smirked at Castiel. A light blush crept onto his cheeks.

"Whatever, Nathaniel. I guess you weren't lying about liking girls. You and her seemed awfully cozy earlier." _He was watching us. He seems jealous._

"You told me not to speak to you anymore. I was just trying to be nice."

"I didn't tell you to ignore me. I-I mean of course, you were... Good. I don't have ANYTHING to say to you!" He turned on his heels and slammed the door to the staircase behind himself. I had a good idea of where he was going. I was half-tempted to follow him but, he needed time to cool off.

"What was that about?" I wondered out loud.

"Don't worry about him. His just jealous. He wants you all to himself."

I blushed a deep shade of red. "He-he, does not. You're just saying that."

"I am not. I saw his eyes glowing with envy. He doesn't exactly hide his emotions that well. Plus, I know Castiel like the back of my hand. His not made of stone."

"Maybe, you're right."

"You two will make up in due time." She smiled.

Except, I heard it as you two will make out. Which, I would be very into. That probably wasn't what she said. I heard what I wanted to hear.

I simply said with a grin while thinking of what I'd misheard. "I hope you're right."

"I always right when, it really counts."

"Good."

"Rosalaya will need your measurements as soon as possible."

"This was her idea then?"

"Heheh, maybe." Her cheeks burned red.

"She did always love to play match-maker." I sighed.

"You don't say. See 'ya. Don't let Castiel get to you."

"I won't. I'd better start practicing."

"I'll let you get too it."

She walked off at a steady pace.

(***)

*Castiel's POV

Castiel ran into Lysander. The two fell to the ground. They bumped heads. I put a hand over my head. I got up and offered my hand to Lysander. He took it at once.

"Sorry, about that."

"That's alright, I wasn't paying attention either."

"Lysander, you got a minute?"

"Yes."

I walked to Lysander's usual spot. Also, know as the staircase to the science hallway just above the basement. We weren't far from the spot where I'd kissed Nathaniel.

"So, what'd you want to tell me?"

"Well, all this time I've liked Nathaniel and I just kept denying it. I like him a lot. What I want tell you is..." I sighed and paused for a moment. "I'm gay."

"I know. I'm glad you've accepted the truth and that you've decided to be honest with yourself but, I'm not the one you should be telling." He smirked.

My cheeks turned rosy red. "You don't mean..."

"But, I do."

"I-I can't." I stuttered. My blush deepened.

"Yes, you can. I have faith in you."

"Then, why don't you confess to Candy?"

"Music is my life. I'm dedicated to music and I don't need a girlfriend. That's not the same." His cheeks tinged a bright pink.

"But, what if?..." I trailed off.

He interrupted. "You've already been rejected think about it, what do you have to lose?"

"My dignity."

"Stop being too proud. Words speak louder than action."

"Doesn't that saying go the opposite way?"

"That is-not the point! Also, if you think it doesn't makes sense that way since, action doesn't actually involve speaking." He rolled his eyes at me and scowled.

"Whatever, you say Mr.I'm-always-right. Fine, you've convinced me. I promise I'll tell him."

"I'm glad to hear it. I hold you to it." He grinned mischievously.

"You're scaring me."

"Yes, be afraid, be very afraid."

"I'm gonna leave now." I gave him a strange look.

"That reminds me the stage is all set up." He grabbed onto my arm and dragged me to the basement. I reluctantly followed him.

They were red curtains and fold-up chairs. It didn't look half bad. Where's my old couch though? Oh, well. It wasn't that comfy anyways.

"Nice, its all coming together." I grinned.

I noticed the blue set of drums on the stage. They must be for Nathaniel. I admired my new amp. It was the one I'd always wanted and Candy got it for me. I had no doubt in my mind that it would amplify the sound and make us sound great.

Lysander and I had been practicing together. He wrote the songs and sang. At, one point Candy thought we were together because, he was telling me a song lyric. How crazy is that?

We worked on songs together. The two of us had played a few gigs but, nothing too major. Lysander won over a crazy fan girl. Nina is her name, as I recall. She's fourteen at most. His her idol and she dressed in victorian style clothing. I'm glad I don't have a fan girl. I'm better off without one. I'd have to let all those girls down after all, if I did have a fan club.

All this time has gone by. Yet, we never thought to add more band members. Iris is playing with us as well. Which, will be interesting. We still don't even have a band name. We were always introduced as Castiel and Lysander.

"Lysander."

"Hmm?"

"We don't have a band name. What are people supposed to cheer?"

"I guess we do need one. How was this not a problem before?" He raised in a eyebrow at me questioningly.

"I don't know." I tried my best not to grin.

Just, then Nathaniel appeared. "Hey, guys. What are you two talking about?"

"We were just discussing the idea of a bandname." Lysander explained.

"You seriously don't have one?"

"There was never the need for one." Lysander stated.

We all thought about it. I pondered. Hmm, four people. So, maybe four words. Hell-raisers? Nah. Mayhem Makers? Eh. No, I can do better than, that. Why is this so hard?

"Any ideas?" I asked glumly.

"Nothing." Lysander answered.

"Uh, how about..." He scratched the back of his head.

"Crash and burn." I said.

"Huh?" They both looked at me.

"How about Crash and Burn for a band name?"

"Uh, why? It makes a bad image." Nathaniel seemed dumb-founded.

"Not, if its ironic. Mindless Self Indulgence ever heard of them?"

"No." They both answered.

"So, any objections?"

"I think Iris needs to cast her vote too." Nathaniel added.

"Fine."

"Also, we need another choice. For, it to be put to a vote." Nathaniel pointed out.

"Okay."

Nathaniel suggested. "Infernal Machine."

"I like that one." Lysander agreed with him.

"What does that even mean?"

"An explosive machine for maliciously destroying life and property."

"I wish I'd thought of it. I vote for it as well."

"Really?" He spoke in an excited voice.

"Yeah, so someone should go find Iris." I answered.

"I'll go find her and ask her what she thinks." Lysander announced and raced out the door before, either of us had the chance to protest.

"I wonder what Iris will pick?" Nathaniel said.

"Probably neither, she hates violence."

"You're speaking to me." He smiled ever so slightly.

"Yeah, so what?"

"I'm glad is all."

"Its not like I have a choice." I sneered at him.

His face fell. "You're a real ass you know."

"That's so nice of you." I spoke in a heavily sarcastic tone as if I was genuinely pleased.

He began to practice playing the drums. Nathaniel was pretty good for a beginner. The next thing I knew I got hit in the back of the head with a drumstick. I was so tempted to snap it in half.

"Ow, what the hell Nathaniel." I rubbed the back of my head.

He laughed so loud that it practically echoed. His laugh almost sounded deranged. I was slightly concerned.

"Hey, why're you laughing?"

"Hahhahhaaahaa, its just so funny. I didn't really mean to though." He wiped tears from eyes from laughing to hard.

"Oh, my sides."

"Yeah, real hilarious." I rolled my eyes and threw his drumstick at his feet.

As, he bent down to get it. I couldn't help but, eye his butt. Such, a nice ass. The kind you just want to smack and grope. I bit down on my bottom lip so hard that I thought blood would spill out. Not, that I'd care. My breathing hardened as I held my gaze.

"Ow." He groaned.

"Is, something wrong?"

"I rolled out of my bed last night and hit the wooden floor." He explained. His words came out in a hurry. I could just barely catch what he had said.

"Yikes, can you get back up?"

"Yes, my back just hurts like hell."

"Can, I look at it?"

"No." He sprung to his feet. Nathaniel seemed awfully jump.

"You were standing behind me. Castiel, you were staring at my ass weren't you?"

My face turned red all at once. "I-uh, no I wasn't, You're awfully quick to jump to conclusions."

"If you hadn't your face wouldn't look like a cherry now would it?"

"Fine, you caught me."

"I did." He grinned.

"Why are you grinning?"

"I like guys." He whispered in my ear.

My blush deepened. "You do?"

"Yep."

"That's interesting. When, did you realize that?" I raised an eyebrow at him.

"When, do you think?" He winked at me.

My heart stopped for a second. I raised up the back of his shirt. He flinched.

"Don't-don't look." His voice sounded desperate, it had an edge of fear to it.

His back was covered in countless belt marks. Their were black and blue bruises all over his back. No wonder he seemed in pain. I spotted a rather large cut on his lower lip. Indicating that someone, most likely his father had punched him in the mouth until, he bled.

"Who did this to you?" I growled.

"I walked into a doorknob." He spoke through his teeth.

"Who hurt you?" I spoke in a soft tone.

He pushed me away as footsteps approached us. He fixed his shirt.

"Not, one word." He sounded close to breaking. I could feel that he was holding back tears. Who was he protecting and why? Noone should ever hurt you. All evidence points to his dad. I remembered his dad's cold eyes and mannerism. All the pieces fell into place. I wished that it wasn't true.

I simply nodded and gave his hand a gentle squeeze. He squeezed my hand and his grip was tight. Before, our guests entered. I let go of his hand reluctantly. Even, though all I wanted was to hold his hand and comfort him.

Lysander and Iris had made it back.

"Iris voted for Infernal Machine believe it or not." Lysander announced.

I frowned.

Nathaniel smiled awkwardly.

Lysander commented. "What happened while we were gone?"

I looked over at Nathaniel expectantly. He gazed back at me blankly.

"Nothing." I lied.

Nathaniel sighed of relief and smiled at me weakly. I felt bad for lying.

"Well, I'm gonna go practice with Iris elsewhere." I put my arm around Iris.

She gave me a purplexed look. Which, I returned with an I'll explain in a minute look. She got the message and nodded. Going along with my story.

"We'll be back in a little while." She told them.

"Okay, I guess I'll practice with Nathaniel then." Lysander gave me a look that said I know you're hiding something from me.

I walked up the stairs and out the door with Iris.

"So, where are we going to practice?" She asked me.

"That was just an excuse, Iris."

"Huh?"

"Let's go to the balcony."

"What's this all about?"

I ignored her question and dashed up the stairs. I took the next flight of stairs and opened the secret door to the balcony.

"I've never been up here. Where'd you get that key?"

"Nabbed it off Nathaniel and made a copy for myself." I grinned rather proud of my achievement.

"That could get him in trouble."

"Not, if you keep your mouth shut."

She frowned and crossed her arms over her chest. "Explain, yourself."

I was unsure what to say. However, I knew what not to say "Nathaniel's dad beats him." Then, it came to me.

"Nathaniel came onto me. He told me that he likes guys. When, I asked him when he realized that he said when, do you think and winked at me."

"Oh, really. Isn't that what you wanted?"

"I-don't know... Maybe, its complicated. I don't know what to think."

"He won't make you do anything you don't want too. I can't believe he was that confident. Well, does what he told you make you happy? Are, you interested?"

"I guess so but, its confusing. I thought he didn't want anything to do with me anymore. I told him never to speak to me again."

"Obviously, he does want you. I thought you didn't mean that."

"I'm afraid he'll reject me again." I admitted.

"That's dumb, sounds to me like he wants you just as bad as you want him."

"Heh, maybe you're right."

"Of, course I'm right. Now, can we go practice Queen?"

"Yes, let's play here."

"Oh hell, no I can't be out here for another minute. I'm terrified of heights."

I smiled at her amusedly.

"What?" She asked me.

"You said hell. Why'd you follow me out here you dummy?" I chuckled at her.

"You would've dragged me out here."

"Eh, your right about that." I grinned.

"So, back to the basement?"

"Roger that."

"You didn't even bring your guitar with you. What exactly were we practicing?"

"Music sheets, let's go with that."

Once, we entered the basement.

Lysander asked. "How did you two practice without any instruments?"

"We used music sheets." Iris volunteered.

"Where are the music sheets?" He raised an eyebrow at her questioningly.

Her face turned red and she stared at me helplessly.

"I ate them."

Nathaniel snickered.

Lysander raised both of his eyebrows at me and asked me. "Why?"

"I thought it would make me more musical." I grinned.

Iris giggled and snorted. Nathaniel laughed loudly as well.

"Could you not eat music next time?"

"Whatever, you say man."

(***)

Just, before the concert began. Iris,Castiel, Lysander and Myself had changed into our costumes. Even, Candy had a costume the catch was that she had to pay for it. She happily obliged.

"Ready to go?" Lysander asked.

I looked over Castiel's body. He was wearing a tight, black tanktop and tight blue jeans. My heart hammered in my chest. He looked absolutely breath-taking. I couldn't stop staring. I let my gaze linger on his ass. Damn, his so sexy.

"Nathaniel?" Lysander spoke.

I broke my stare and answered him. "Yeah-I'm all set." My voice didn't sound like it belonged to me.

"That's good."

"Anyone, experiencing nervousness?"

"Me, everyone will be staring at us." Iris voiced.

"No worries, just don't look at them. Look at your guitar or if your really nervous look at me. Plenty of singers close their eyes when playing. Stevie Ray Vaughn did and his a legend. There's no shame in it." Castiel encouraged her and patted her on the back.

She smiled at him. "Thanks, for the advice."

"No, problem short stuff." He smirked at her and ruffled her hair playfully.

"Ladies and Gentleman put your hands together for Infernal Machine." Rosalaya introduced us.

We played in sync. Candy's eyes were glued on Lysander. As, for mine they kept glancing over at Castiel whenever, given the chance. My cheeks heated up. Castiel strummed his guitar effortlessly he sounded incredible all on his own. Lysander's voice was like an angel's.

I noticed a girl with silver hair in a victorian style dress. She had to be about fourteen. She kept chanting Lysander. It was rather adorable.

"Nathaniel. Nathaniel." A girl's voice cheered me on.

I looked at the crowd and realized that Amber was the girl. She was wearing a five- finger death- punch shirt paired with black ripped jeans. Amber had her hair in a simple braid and she had on black eyeliner. She looked down to earth for once perhaps, a bit goth but, pretty close to normal. Mom would throw a fit if she Amber like this. I inwardly laughed at the thought of it. I smiled at her and winked her way.

She screamed. "Nathaniel." Then, she cheered. "Infernal Machine." She was bursting with energy. She seemed so excitable which, I found to be rather delightful.

I felt as if someone was watching me. Like, someone's gaze was lingering on me. It made me feel uneasy. I glanced at Castiel, he didn't notice. It wasn't him after all. Maybe, Lysander? I checked but, his eyes were on our audience. Iris's eyes were shut so, it couldn't be her either. Yet, the feeling of someone watching didn't go away.

Then, I spotted her. Deborah. My blood ran cold. My heart pounded inside my chest. What's she doing here? Her long, brunnette hair was down. She eyed me seductively and winked at me. She was wearing a half shirt with ripped skinny jeans that showed off her v-shape and her butterfly tattoo. It was a disgusting display. How, I didn't vomit at the sight of it was beyond me. My jaw hung open and my eyes widened. Crap, this isn't good.

Her gaze turned to Castiel. He didn't take eyes looked hungry. She's definitely plotting something. That manipulative, little bitch. I scowled at her. As, long as I'm around I won't let you hurt Castiel. Not, on my watch. I glared at Deborah. She flicked me off and shot me a dirty glare. I grinned delighted with myself.

After, the concert came to an end.

I was determined not to let Castiel out of my sight. I didn't even bother changing my clothes.

"Castiel."

"Hmm?"

"Do, uh you wanna walk home together?" I smiled at him sheepishly. My cheeks radiated a deep red.

"Maybe, next time. Lysander and I have plans."

"Oh, okay."

I left feeling rejected. So, much for that plan. Besides, nothing I can do will ever stop Deborah. If she really wants to see Castiel that is. Maybe, it wasn't her. It was dark after all. Perhaps, I imagined it.

(***)

Castiel stood in the deserted basement. Why had I turned down Nathaniel? Even, worse I lied to him. I really am an ass.

Just, then I looked up to see a familar pair of blue eyes. Accompanied with long, brunnette hair. It was her. My Deborah. I found myself smiling at her. My heart skipped a beat.

She was showing off a lot of skin. My old ring was on her finger. She grinned at me.

"Hey, 'ya Handsome. You were great."

"Thanks, doll." I winked at her.

She crushed her lips against mine. I was at a loss. I kissed her back. However, my heart stayed still in my chest. I kissed her firmer but, I still felt nothing. When, I'd kiss Nathaniel I had felt the ultimate high. My heart beat so fast I thought it might explode. I felt like I was kissing a fish. Not, that I've ever done that.

She opened her mouth. I pushed her off. I didn't want her to kiss me for another second. I felt a sickening feeling building inside my stomach. I was disgusted by her.

"Kitty." She whined.

I hate that stupid pet name. Forgive the pun.

"Don't call me that." I spoke in a cold tone.

"You still love me right?" She sounded close to tears.

"Yes, its not that darling. Why are you here?"

"Because, I love you. I'm transferring here isn't that great?"

"I love you too. That is great." I took her hand in mine and smiled at her warmly. But, it wasn't great. I didn't want her here. After, all she'd done to me. How could I forgive her? She'd just up and left me for a bit of fame? I listened to that album, it was awful. Just, pure garbage.

"It'll be just like old times. We can cut class together and play together. You're really talented. We'd make the perfect duet. With my voice and your guitar. Don't you think?"

"Yeah..." I said unsure of what to make of all of this. Its just so strange.

"Will you walk me home?"

"Certainly."

She rested her head on my shoulder and put my arm around her didn't feel right. Even, after everything. I still love her. I couldn't forget her. I'd do anything for her. After, all Nathaniel didn't love me.

(***)

. Nat's POV

The next day. The horrendous Deborah made good on her promise and transferred to our school. Nathaniel watched Deborah and Candy saying hello for the second time apparently. I overhead Candy say "Hey, I meet you last night."

"Congratulations. Do you want an autograph or what?" She said in a snotty tone.

I won't hit a lady but, I will smack a bitch. How dare she talk to Candy like that! I wouldn't stand for it. I clenched my fist.

"Why'd you wanna see Castiel anyways?" Candy asked ignoring Deborah's rudeness.

"I don't see how that's any of your business ,you little slut." She crinkled her nose at Candy. She made a face as if something smelled bad.

"You can't talk to her like that, you whore." I intervened.

"Excuse, you. Do, you know who you're talking to." Her eyes flashed with irritation. She sounded very sassy.

"Yeah, I do. I'm insulting a bitch." I spoke nonchalantly.

"You're really testing me. I can just tell Castiel all about this. How, I found his friend in the arms of Nathaniel."

"Shut the fuck up, you cunt!What do you want from Castiel?"

Candy's jaw dropped due to my use of the c-word. I felt like I was going to erupt with anger. I wanted to slap her so badly.

"Whatever do you mean?" She faked innocence.

"Cut, the crap. Out with it!" I was sick of her bull-shit as a result I raised my voice at her.

"Haha, oh Nathaniel. That's for me to know and you to find out." She giggled.

"Tell me." I growled at her in a dangerous tone.

"He'll do anything for me right? I have him wrapped around my finger. Maybe, I'll tell you later if you're a good boy." She smiled and skipped away merrily.

"Nathaniel, why'd you call her such horrible things?"

"She deserves it. I'd rather not talk about it, go ask her." I retorted.

(***)

Candy told me. "Deborah's a liar. She wants to use Castiel. Like you said."

"Its better to just stay out of it. Noone will believe you." I told her.

"Why not?"

"Deborah's a very good actress. The worst kind of person, you see. She always pretends to care. Under it all she's cold-hearted and manipulative. She's a socio-path. She uses everyone. You, Lysander, Rosalaya, and I are the always that see through her mask."

"But, I can't just keep them in the dark. I don't care, if they don't believe me. I won't let her get away with this. I have to protect Castiel. The last thing I want in the world is for her to hurt him. You're wrong Amber sees though Deborah's mask." She sounded desperate.

"I didn't think of Amber. I want to protect Castiel too but, his gone back to her. That's consent as far as I'm concerned." I sighed.

"Deborah told me everything. About what she did to you. You need to clear things up with him."

"Like she'd let me get that close. Odds are she's already told on the both of us. Its not that easy, there's no way he'll listen to me. He still thinks his in love with her and she's using that against him."

"Are you just gonna let her hurt him? Well, I'm not!" She declared.

"You're right. I'll talk to him but, its a long shot."

"Thank, you so much. You actually believe me. You don't how much this means to me."

"I was their. Its nothing, really. I'm doing it for Castiel as well."

"Glad to hear it." She half-smiled.

"Well, let's get this over with."

"Don't you sound enthuiastic?" I spoke in a sarcastic tone.

"Well, excuse me "princess" ." I mocked her.

"I'm, not Amber!"

"Coulda fooled me."

We walked until, we found Castiel who was alone suprisingly. He was wearing his old brown leather jacket. The one he wore when he was with Deborah before. Only now his hair is red.

"Castiel."

"What?"

"Listen to me. Deborah's trying to manipulate you again. She's using you, like she always does. She never actually cared about you in the first place. She's cold-hearted and she's done this before. She tricked you into believing that I came onto her. When, the truth is she held me down and begged me to have my way with her. Which, I refused to do. Wake up, you idiot! She doesn't love you. The only person she cares about is herself. Don't, you know that I'd never do anything to hurt you." My voice reeked of desperation.

"You're lying. Deborah, wouldn't do such a thing. You're just jealous." Castiel didn't met my eyes.(Even, Castiel didn't believe in his words, I could tell by the way he spoke.)

"For, fuck's sake do you hear yourself? Why won't you listen to me? I'm your best-friend. I've always looked out for you. I don't want Deborah to hurt you again. I couldn't bare to see it happen last time. I've always been their. Please, believe me." My voice cracked. Tears welled up in my eyes. I was begging him not to make the same mistake twice.

"Nathaniel, Deborah told me everything. I can't trust you. Deborah, would never lie to me. You are beneath me. You're scum. You hurt my Deborah and that is unforgiveable. Don't ever speak to me again. If you ever lay a hand on Deborah again, I swear you'll regret it. Don't you get it? I-I hate you! You disgust me. I wish we had never been friends in the first place. I loathe the day I met you. I don't need you. You need me. You mean nothing to me." His eyes were cold and his tone sent shivers down my back.

Candy looked at him in horror. As, if he were a monster. His words cut into me like a knife. They pierced my heart. I felt so torn up inside. I broke into loud sobs. Candy stood their staring at him in shock.

Lysander came over to me and held me close. I cried into his chest. My cries soon became broken wails of pain. My heart felt broken beyond repair. I felt like, I had crumpled away to nothing. I didn't know my heart could hurt this much.

Castiel slammed his fist at the nearest wall. Like, what he said was now tormenting him. He wore a pained expression. He felt conflicted by the looks of it.

"Oh, yeah well Castiel is pretty close to asshole for a damn-good reason." Lysander remarked.

(That's awfully unexpected. I raised an eyebrow at him momentarily. Lysander's insult made me want to laugh)

Deborah grinned snidely. This was what she wanted to happen. We all knew this except, for Castiel. He was still under her spell.

Lysander turned to face her. He said in a not so quiet voice. As, if he intended for Castiel to hear him. "And, you. You're a deceitiful bitch and I hope you rot in hell for all eternity."

He smirked at her shocked expression. I stifled a laugh. This was too good.

"Lysander..." Castiel spoke in sorrowful tone.

"Yes?" He faked confusion as if he hadn't said anything.

"Just go the hell away." His eyes were empty.

"Fine, I know when I'm not wanted. Unlike, you I'm not an imbecile. You never know what you have until, its gone and what you "had" with Deborah is long gone. Nathaniel actually cares about you, can't you see that?"

Castiel was speechless for once. "..."

We left in a hurry.

"I'm leaving, I can't deal with this. I need to go home."

"Will, you be okay?"

"I just need to be alone. Why'd you defend me?"

"He treated you like crap. I had to talk some sense into him." His cheeks turned red. "I-I don't know what overcame me. I was just so angry that he hurt you."

"Thank you. I still need to go home though."

"Call me, if you need to talk to someone."

"I will."

(***)

*Amber's POV

Amber was standing by the door just above the basement. I noticed a bucket. Li and Charlotte must've set it up for Deborah. Like, they said they would.

I saw Candy at the top of the staircase and Deborah a.k.a bitch was yelling at her. Then, the bucket fell forward covering her in her water. I smiled, how delightful.

"You did this." She chased after the Candy down the stairs.

I blocked her off. "Actually, tits for brains it was Li and Charlotte."

"How do I know it wasn't you?"

"You don't." I smiled at her.

"Let me fight her."

"You want a fight, I'll give you a fight and none of that hair pulling shit or clawing." I punched her square in the face.

She held her cheek. "Ow." She groaned.

"Only, I can hurt Candy. Also, stay away from Castiel if you know what's good for you. Now, let's review what happened slut?"

"I fell." She answered.

"Very, good clutz."

I high-tailed out of there.

(**)

*Deborah's POV

"What happened Deborah?" Castiel asked her.

"I fell down the stairs and landed on my face." Deborah lied. She had pride. She'd never let anyone know that Amber out of all people beat her in a fight.

"You wanna go to the nurse's?"

"Sure, babe." She smiled at him sweetly. So sweetly that it was sickening.

(**)

Nathaniel's POV

When, I got home I unlocked my front door. Then, I locked myself in my bathroom. I was home alone.

At,first all I wanted was to cry. I spotted a razor-blade glistening. It called to me. I picked it up.

"Never speak to me again." and "You mean nothing to me." His words echoed in my ears over and over. It was torcher to my eyes and it wouldn't stop.

As, I slid the razor across my wrist again and again. I closed my eyes and thought to myself.

_Noone needs me_

_Castiel hates me_

_Dad hates me_

_My mother doesn't give a damn about me_

_Amber didn't even notice that I left_

_Lysander didn't follow me_

_Candy didn't try to find me_

_I don't mean anything to anyone_

Even, I hate myself. There's nothing to live for. As, I slit deeper with more force the pain I once felt dissolves that is until, I see all the blood. I drop the blade in shock. My knees buckled and I fell onto the hard tiled floor. My body went limp and my vision blurred. I slipped into the darkness. Death took me in his arms. I couldn't feel anything anymore.

Sure, enough I no longer felt any pain but, now I couldn't feel any emotions. Which, definitely wasn't good. Maybe, feeling pain was better than not feeling after all. What if this was it for me? I decided that you can't feel pleasure without pain. I felt grateful that I could feel love for Castiel. Some people never experience that. I've been such a fool. I just want to see his beautiful face again. I need him now more than ever before.

_I miss your touch_

_I can't forget that rush_

_As, you held me_

_and I held you_

_I saw the truth dancing in your eyes_

_that you felt it too_

_You need me_

_and I need you_

_Oh, my dearest friend_

_To think it all started with a game of tag_

_I will catch you and tackle to the ground_

_I'll hold you down until, you admit that you need me around you too_

(***)

"Nathaniel. Nathaniel." A fist banged at the door.

I felt dizzy. I couldn't get to my feet. The door swung open.

"Oh, god. Oh, god Nathaniel. Why'd you hurt yourself?" Amber cried.

"Nobody cares about me."

"I care about. Everyone cares about you. I'm the one noone cares about except, for you.  
"

Lysander and Candy and Castiel care. So, do Rosalaya and Melody. Everyone likes you." She reassured me.

"I'm not so sure about Castiel."

"He cares about you most of all." She pulled me into an embrace.

"He said that I mean nothing to him and that he hates me."

"He didn't mean it. Its like when we fight we say things we don't mean."

"Its hurts so bad." I put my hand over my heart.

"I know honey. Are you wrists okay?"

"Yeah I'll be alright. I won't do it again."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

I got cleaned up. When, I rinsed my cuts there was a deep, searing pain. I winced at the way it felt. Why had I done such a thing? It was as if I couldn't stop myself. I don't know what to do. The only thing I know is that I need you. This ache in my heart won't cease. How do I not fall apart?


	5. Chapter 5 Don't say goodbye

(**) Nat's POV

"Hi, Nathaniel." Candy said to me in a sad voice.

"Hey, how's it going?"

"Not, so good. Castiel wants nothing to do with me either. A bucket of water fell on Deborah and Castiel blames me."

"So, we have something in common."

"Yeah, we have a common enemy. Rosalaya has a plan. We're all meeting at my apartment after school today."

"I'm in."

"Good, I'm glad to have you aboard."

"I'll be their."

"This is my address." She handed me a sheet of paper.

I stuffed it into my pocket.

"Nathaniel, none of the girls believe me. Except, for Amber and Rosalaya. Alexy's on Deborah's side too."

"I'm sorry. They'll come around."

"I hope so. I really thought they were my friends."

"They are. Deborah can be very convincing."

"I feel like such a fool. I should've listened to you."

"No, you did what you thought was right. That's all that matters."

"Thank, you Nathaniel." She smiled at me weakly.

"Anytime." I flashed her a smile.

I spotted a certain red-headed figure watching us.

"I'll see you then."

"See 'ya. Oh, tell Amber to come too."

"You want Amber their?"

"Yeah, she defended me yesterday. Maybe, she can help us."

"Huh, that's unexpected. Maybe, you're right."

"Catch 'ya later."

"Bye."

(***)

Amber just so happened to pass by.

"Hi, a certain red-head's watching you." She whispered.

"Hey, I noticed. So, we're all meeting at Candy's apartment after school today. She wants you there."

"What? Why?" She seemed puzzled by the invitation.

"You defended her yesterday and Candy thinks you could help us."

"Eh, I'm in." She sighed.

"What really happened Amber?"

"I punched Deborah in the face and told her that only I can hurt Candy."

"Haha. That sounds kind of physco."

"Well, know-a-days I just tease her." She blushed.

"I hope you hit her hard."

"Oh, trust me I did and there's no way she'll tell on me. I'm all for giving Deborah a taste of her own medicine."

"Good, its time we un-masked her."

"Agreed." She smiled at me cheerfully.

(**)

*Nat's POV

At, Candy's apartment.

We had all finally arrived. Candy and Lysander were the last to arrive. Lysander's face was bright red. Maybe, they'd run into Nina. I wouldn't doubt it.

Amber was staring at me expectantly.

"Alright, I have snacks for everyone and I found Lysander." Candy announced. She handed out chips, cookies, drinks, and candy.

Everyone munched away except, for me and Amber. Lysander and Candy didn't eat either. Rosalaya was itching to talk I could tell just by looking at her.

"I'm sorry, I'm late I misplaced the address." Lysander apologized.

"Heh, typical Lysander." I teased him.

He blushed a delicate shade of pink.

"Too bad for you. You missed the underwear inspection of..." Armin started.

Candy stomped on his foot. He cried out in pain and didn't dare to finish his sentence.

Lysander raised an eyebrow in curiousity.

I reassured him. "Its not important." I winked at Candy as if to say your secret is safe with me.

"Hey, is that picture of me?" Lysander asked Candy.

"I-uh Violette framed it for me. I just put it up because, I like that picture." Her face was as red as a tomato.

"Don't feel embarassed, I'd react the same way if I had a picture of you." His cheeks burned a slight pink.

She looked relieved.

Heh, how cute is that? Amber looked envious of the two.

"Will, you bring everyone up to speed?" She asked Candy.

Candy reviewed everything but, left out the fact that Castiel made her cry. Which, is totally understandable.

"I wish I could just karate-chop Deborah to pieces." Armin commented.

"That's a bit much." Candy stated. Sometimes, she's too nice for her own good.

Rosalaya spoke up. " Calm down Armin.. its important that we never lose our cool. Otherwise, she'll notice and our plan won't work. Look at me, I hate her guts but, she

has no clue and I'd never risk getting mad infront of her. The less she knows the better.

If, she knew she'd use my anger against me and that's the last thing we want. As, we know she already did this to Candy. We have to be three steps ahead of her. She's clever but, I have the ultimate plan. Its guaranteed not to fail." She smiled proudly.

"Right but, karate's not such a bad idea.I'd do anything to bring her down." Kentin smiled mischieviously.

Candy had a worried look on her face. Amber smirked. I raised an eyebrow. This certainly is a fun meeting.

Lysander spoke in a calm manner. "Continue, please Rosa."

"Yes well, as I was saying I looked for a way to get her back without resorting to anything childish, vulgar, or violent." She glared at Armin and Kentin.

"I could take her easy." Kentin remarked.

"The plan had to be just right. I had to find something up to her level!" She sounded excited.

"How are you going to do that?" I asked her.

"Yeah, at first I didn't see how to but, it was obvious. That I didn't think of it right away."

We were all intrigued. She had captured all of our attention. Her words captivated us.

"Its simple really. However, with a certain new addition to the group. I don't know if things will go smoothly." She eyed Amber.

"Come, on you guys can trust me. I hate Deborah the most. She's horrible. I'd do anything to bring her down. I would love to see her cry. I can keep a secret."

"Well, alright you've convinced me. The plan is to get her to sign on with a new manager one that will launch her career."

"What? I thought we were trying to punish her." Kentin said.

"Yeah, why would we do that? Shouldn't we get her manager to drop her instead?" Armin asked.

"Shut up! Don't interrupt a lady, don't you know better? I'm talking about what we need to make her believe. The manager we're going to propose is Leigh." Rosalaya explained.

(I heard someone spit out their juice on the carpet)

Lysander exclaimed. "L-Leigh?! But, he doesn't look like a manager. Plus he is timid, he doesn't talk much, he doesn't have the right attitude to be a... He just can't do it."

"Stop it... He just needs a make-over. Everything will be fine." She reassured him.

"Excuse me but, who's Leigh?" Armin asked.

"Lysander older brother and Rosa's boyfriend. He owns the clothing store." Candy told him.

"Oh, has Deborah ever seen him."

"No, obviously not. Now, half of us will get Leigh's suit will the other half get info on Deborah."

"Then, can't Leigh get a suit on his own."

"No, he needs to get into character."

"Well, I volunteer to get info." Armin spoke up.

"So, do I." Candy said.

Lysander said "I'll come with you guys."

Amber volunteered "I'll go with Kentin and Nathaniel, to get the suit."

Kentin "Hell, no."

"Fine, I was just kidding. I don't need you guys anyways, I'll go with Candy and Lysander and Armin."

"Its decided. I'll go with Kentin and Nathaniel." Rosa chimed in.

With, that Rosa and Nathaniel and Armin took off in a hurry.

(**)

*Amber's POV

"We'll meet up during school tommorrow." Candy suggested.

"Yes, let's."

"I'll walk "princess" home." Armin said to Amber.

"Hey, I have a name you know. Don't call me princess. I forbid it." I huffed.

"Heheh, how about no? This is fun "princess"." Armin smiled at me.

I blushed. "Fine, you can walk me home."

"I didn't except, you to change your mind so fast." He smirked.

"Its only because, its starting to get dark outside."

"Aw, does Amber not like the dark?" He teased me in a mocking tone. He was certainly getting a kick out of this.

"I like the dark. Anyways, let's get going."

"Bye, love-birds." Armin joked.

Candy and Lysander both turned red as if on cue.

"See 'ya tommorrow." I smiled.

They both waved goodbye to us.

"You look cute when, you smile. You should do it more often "princess" ." He grinned.

I felt my face flush at his compliment. "Uh... thanks."

"Just, gonna let that slide huh?"

"Yeah, only this once though. Everyone calls me princess, I hate it. I just wanna be treated normally."

"I was only kidding around. You're fun to mess with you." He smirked at me mischievously and slipped his arm around me.

My blush burned deeper. I felt like I couldn't breathe but, I didn't care.

"Oh." was all I could think of to say.

He poked my nose and smiled broadly. He has such a cute smile. His rather handsome. I've always liked black hair and he has really pretty eyes.

"You're kind of funny. I really hope you don't double-cross us. I heard you punched Deborah."

"Thanks, I won't. You did?" I asked him in a curious tone.

"Yeah, did you hurt her?" He smirked.

"I hit her pretty hard."

"I wish I'd been their to see it."

"Who told you?"

"I just guessed and I was right. Why'd you do it?"

"I've always wanted to hit her and she thought I spilled the water on her. Also, to protect Candy."

"I didn't know you could be so nice."

"Are you mocking me?"

"Maybe, you've gone soft."

"I have-not. I hit Deborah didn't I!"

"Heh, I was only kidding. Your reaction was so adorable. You're awfully cute when, you're mad. I wish I could've seen you hit her."

I blushed even deeper. "Shut up."

"Why, don't you make me?" He winked at me flirtalously.

My heart skipped a beat as he pulled me closer. "Shit, get down." I pulled him behind a bush.

"Why're we hiding and why are you holding my hand?"

"Were at my house and my dad would flip if he saw me with a boy."

"Oh, I see. You're still holding my hand." He smirked.

"Shut up, you liked it." I released his hand while, blushing ferociously.

"What gave it away?" He winked.

"I have to go now."

"I'll be waiting at your window Juliet."

"Too bad you're not Romeo."

"Hey!"

"Aw, are you mad? You'll have to do better next time." I winked at him.

He grinned.

I stood up and rushed inside. My heart was racing wildly. I'd never been so close to a boy well, not counting Kentin of course.

(***)

*Amber's POV continued

The next day at school.

The four of us met up in Classroom A first thing. Not, even the first bell had rang and even if it did what did we care?

"So, what's the plan?" I asked the three of them.

"Let's all go to the library. We can probably find out what we need to know there." Armin suggested.

"Good, idea."

"Thanks, "princess"." He grinned.

I thought back to last night and my face turned red.

"You, call her that too." Candy joked.

"Hey, when did this become tease Amber day?!" I fumed.

Lysander chuckled in amusement.

"We should get started." Lysander said.

So, without further-a-due we headed to the library. Which, is on the second floor.

The principal blocked us off. "Candy, I can't trust you. You dumped water on an innocent girl. I want her to feel welcome here. You have detention after school today. I expected better from you."

"It wasn't me. I just want to go to the library."

"That's too bad. The library is a privilege."

I interrupted. "Actually, I did it. So, if you're going to punish someone then, punish me. I wanted revenge and it was childish. I regret my actions."

"Well, then you have detention and Candy doesn't anymore. However, you still can't go to the library."

We left feeling defeated. We retreated to the court-yard. It was surprising not to see Castiel their. It made the place feel empty.

"Wow, that was really nice of you Amber." Armin said.

"I had to do that for me. I might as well have done it myself. I didn't do anything to stop Li and Charlotte after all."

"Thanks, Amber." Candy thanked me.

"It was the least I could do." I felt myself blush.

"Well, what do we do now?" Candy asked.

"Wait for the principal to leave. I hope it doesn't take long. Being outside is horrible." He groaned.

**About ten minutes later.**

"Let's try now." Armin suggested.

"Yeah, let's." I agreed.

Candy and Lysander nodded.

By,some miracle the second floor was empty. We raced into the library.

We searched the internet by using wiki-pedia. The four of us found some useful information. Tips on how to be a manager which, Lysander promptly printed. We also, discovered that Deborah had dated her band-mates and was now a solo-act.

"So, that's why she's clinging to Castiel. She wants him in her band." I concluded.

"Good, deduction "princess." Armin smiled at me mischievously.

"That sneaky little..." Lysander began.

"Lysander! She's gonna get him to leave him the school. She's trying to use him." Candy made a face of disdain.

"We'd better leave." I suggested.

"Yeah before, the principal comes back." Armin pointed out.

"Let's bolt." Candy said.

Lysander grabbed the list and we bee-lined to the court-yard. Luckily, noone was around to see us acting so strangely.

Then, we all parted ways. Armin lingered behind with me.

Armin teased me. "You sure you can find your way home?"

"Yes!"

"Parting is such sweet sorrow."

"You sound like a creep."

"I know where you live know. I'll always be watching."

"Okay, now I'm afraid."

He laughed. "Sarcasm "princess", are you familar with it?"

"Yes, I was just playing along."

"Well until, next time "princess" ." He winked and kissed my hand.

"Hey, you got slobber on my hand!" I blushed a deep shade of red.

"I did not!"

"I was only joking, geez you're so sensitive."

"I know, not-uh. You're really red. How cute." He smirked.

"Stop, enjoying this. I have to go home now... alone."

"Bye."

"Bye."

(***)

Amber's POV

The next day. Its was time to put our plan into action.

Armin,Candy and Amber were going to watch Leigh and Deborah. Rosalaya was debating whether or not to come with us.

"It'd be easier for three people to hide then, four." She sighed.

"Come with us, anyway." Candy urged her.

"Well, okay." A light blush graced her cheeks.

The four of us hide behind a row of listened in.

Deborah grinned. "And you came all this way just for me."

Leigh. "No, not really. I was already in town and I heard you were here at this school and I thought "hey,why not" ."

"Oh..." She seemed disappointed.

"Look, I don't have anytime to lose here. I'd like to make you a once in a life-time proposition and I need to know if you're in or not." He crossed his arms at her.

"What do I win by coming to you? The record company that provided my manager is perfectly adapted for young artists, and my percentage on sales with him is much more reasonable." She wanted to know what was in it for her. Like always.

"What does a big percentage matter if you're only selling locally? What am I proposing? Listen to this: A contract that will take you farther than, this podunk town, a large distribution network, a better managed advertising campaign, and a smaller percentage of course but, one that will bring you way more than, your ridiculous current sales." He said without missing a beat.

"Ridiculous? If they're ridiculous then, why are you intrested in me?" She asked him in a snappy tone.

"Because, I've got flair, darlin'. And the creep who's organizing your life right now doesn't even realize what got in his hands. I'd prefer to out do him while, I still can."

She fell silent, thinking it over.

Leigh spoke in a rude tone. "Look, like I said before I don't have all day. If you aren't interested tell me now."

"Wait, wait... Don't be in such a rush...This isn't a decision to be taken lightly." She purred.

She got all up on him. How expected. She's trying to flirt to get her way. Where have I seen this before?

"What's going on?" Rosalya asked us.

"Uhm, Deborah got a little closer." Candy told her.

"That's the understatement of the year." I remarked.

"Yeah, I'll say." Armin commented.

"What, do you mean? Let me see."

We all moved aside.

"Move, slowly or they'll see us.." Armin warned her in a whisper.

"Of, course. Who do you take me f-?!" Her face fell. She looked ready to charge at Deborah and tear her limb from limb. We were half-tempted to let her.

"Oh,crud. Armin do something!" Candy urged him.

"Yeah, Armin you're the only guy here. Don't let her blow our cover."

Armin grabbed Rosalaya by the arm and pulled her back. He held her down as she thrashed around. She kicked and tried to free herself. Candy cowered in fear. I silently took cover behind Armin. Armin put his hand over Rosa's mouth.

"Let me go! How dare she flirt with MY Leigh! Who does she think she is? That little ..."

We left the hallway without anyone noticing or for Deborah's safety.

Armin imitated Rosa "I'd never get mad at her." So, much for that huh? Oh, man Rosalaya you almost ruined everything we've been working for!" He sounded angry at her. The face he made at her was pretty laughable.

He was still holding her back.

"I'm going to get her! Let me at her!" She growled. She struggled trying to break his grip but, her efforts were to no avail.

"I'm gonna go back and see what's going on ... Armin, just try to calm her down, please." Candy pleaded with him.

"If, you could bring me some ether to put her sleep that'd be great."

Oh, Armin. "I'll stay behind with Armin."

"I don't know how much, help you'll be "princess"."

"Okay, I'll catch up with you three later."

We couldn't even say goodbye because, Rosa began kicking again.

(***)

Candy's POV

Back, in the hallway. Candy listened in on Leigh and Deborah alone this time.

Deborah. "So, you really think I'm worth it."

"I won't repeat myself, yes or no?" He demanded.

"Just let me call me manager. I won't be long." She winked at him.

"Very, well...You have five minutes. Is that enough?"

"Yes, thanks so much."

I bumped into Nathaniel.

"Have, you seen Deborah?"

"Oh, she went in one of the classrooms is everything alright?"

"I think it will be! She's calling her manager."

"Perfect. After, she figures out the truth go hide in the teacher lounge I'll have a little surprise set up for her." He smiled.

"The teacher's lounge is always locked."

"Heh, not always." He grinned and spun the keys to the teacher's lounge around his fingers.

"Be careful."

"Relax, its all under control."

"Okay, its your funeral."

I snuck into Classroom A and hide behind a bookcase. I held my breathe. Not daring to make a sound.

"Hey, Steven. Listen, a new agent want me to sign with him. He treats me right and appreciates my talent. He believes in me and wants to take me to the top... So, you know I love you and I don't wanna leave. So, help me out here and just manage my career better. And, if you can that then, I'll stay...What? No, thats not what I meant darling... Fine, you don't know what you're losing. Y-You, bone-head!... Maybe, if you were better at your job then, my CD would've should better you imbecile! That's it! Good! Fine! I don't need you." She hung up.

She turned and saw me.

"What are you doing here?" She asked me as if she were entitled to the classroom.

"I came in here by mistake...I couldn't help but, over hear. So, Steven ditched 'ya?"

"Yeah, he was my manager but, that was a mistake. He'd been thinking about dropping me because, of my low sales and my atti-. I mean nothing you would understand." She smiled.

I grinned. "You don't have a manager then?"

"No, don't worry about me. I've moved onto bigger and better things."

"Uh, okay..." Like, I was worried.

I exited the room.

"Get, out of the way loser. I almost knocked you over, stupid. You can't stand infront of the door."

"Oh, sorry." I moved out of the way to let her pass.

Rosalaya. "Youuu!" (Where's Armin when I need him. Oh, that's right with Amber.)

Deborah smirked at her amusedly. "What's wrong with you?"

"How dare you lay a hand on my boyfriend? I'm warning you, if you ever touch my boyfriend again I'll make you regret the day you emerged from the fiery pits of hell."

She raised an eyebrow at her. " What? I've never met your boyfriend. I didn't even know you had one. Also, I didn't come from hell." She shook her head at Rosa and gave her a confused look.

"I saw it with my own eyes! Don't lie to me!"

"You're crazy Rosalya! I-I would never... B-but, what the hell is going on?" She took a step back.

Leigh stepped forward. "Rosa, please calm down... she didn't know."

"You two know each other?" Deborah asked out-loud.

"Of, course I do. His my boyfriend." Rosa smiled victoriously.

"Your boyfriend's a manager?"

"No, he owns a clothing store." She snickered.

"What? B-but, he said..." Her mouth hung a gap.

"Sorry, to have lied to you but, I think you deserved after doing what you did to the people I love." Leigh told her.

"A lesson, huh?"

She chased after me.

(**)

Rosa's POV

"Should we go after them?" Leigh asked Rosa.

"Eh, they'll be fine. Nathaniel probably has a plan in place."

"Probably, what if Deborah hurts her?"

"Then, I'll fix her clock."

"How, nice of you." He smiled.

(**)

Candy's POV

I ran into the teacher lounge. As, promised it was open.

Deborah circled around me. "At, last we're all alone... just the two of us."

"Are, you gonna have your way with me?"

"What?"

"That's what it sounds like is all."

She closed the door menacingly. She smiled a wicked smile. There was a silver glint shining in her eyes.

"Are you gonna hurt me?"

"Nah, that'd be too easy."

"Did you have fun making a fool of me?"

"It wasn't just me."

"That doesn't matter. Answer the question."

"I only did it to protect Castiel!"

"Aw, poor helpless Castiel. What about me? I'm still going to win this. My manager may have left me but, with Castiel by my side and I'll get signed like that."

"He won't leave with you. He hasn't made his choice yet."

"Yes, he has. That moron will always choose me. He choose me over his best friend when, in fact I was lying to him. He choose me over you. What makes you think he won't choose me again?"

"You're right." I admitted feeling utterly defeated. She's such a horrible person.

"Of, course I am. He believes everything I tell him. He adores the ground I walk on. His, such an idiot. All, I have to do is bat my eyes and pout and his putty in my hands. We'll go to the top and then, I'll dump his sorry ass."

"Why?"

"Because, there's only room for one under the spot-light and that's m'aw. I've got the whole school wrapped around my finger. They're all such morons. They'll never listen to you, honey. There's nothing you can do to stop me. I rule this school. "

"So, why'd you trap me here to tell me what I already know. I've had enough of this and enough of you! You're so selfish and cold-hearted. You're the worst kind of person!"

"Just how bad do you want me to kick your ass?"

"I thought you weren't going to hurt me?!" I exclaimed.

"Why'd you assume that? You need to pay for what you've done to me! You won't get away with this.!"

"If, you hit me everyone will know the truth!"

"No, they won't. I'll say it was self-defense. There's no way, they'll believe you."

"Wanna bet?" I smirked.

"What do you?..."

She noticed the blinking red light for the P.A system was on.

"Nooo. Nooooooo." She cried out.

I dashed out the door. Right into Kentin's back.

"What are you doing?"

"Oh, nothing. Just running for my life!"

"Yeah, I heard the little "announcement". Lead her back to the teacher's lounge. Nathaniel has another surprise."

"Okay." I said breathlessly.

Deborah yanked my arm. "You KNEW. You knew, who the whole time! You little slut."

"You're one to talk."

"How dare you talk to me that way!" She dug her nails into my arm. They were super sharp. I felt as if I was bleeding. I probably was.

She raised her hand to hit me. I flinched in fear. My feet refused to move.

Violette, Rosa, and Castiel entered the hall.

"I-she tricked me into saying that stuff."

"What, do you take us for idiots?" Violette spoke up. She had tears in her eyes. It made my heart ache. 

"No, you're my best-friend. I'd never do anything to hurt you. This is all her fault! It was a joke, a little joke. We've been through so much, don't you trust me?"

"You're a liar. I don't know why, I ever trusted you in the first place. I'm sorry that I didn't believe you Candy."

I smiled at her gratefully.

"C-Castiel, you believe me right?...please...Kitten!" She sniffled.

"Just leave Deborah. I never want to see you again! How could you do this?" His tone was harsh and unforgiving.

She ran off crying real tears. It was rather satisifying. This is the end of your rein of terror.

Everyone chattered on about Deborah. I slipped away to comfort Castiel.

"Just leave me alone."

"I can't, you need to be with someone. "

"I need to be alone. Its better this way."

"No, I won't leave you alone."

I hugged him tightly. He squeezed me tightly.

"I'm...sorry, for everything."

"Its not your fault." I smiled at him softly.

"There's someone, I need to see."

(***)

.Nathaniel's POV

"Nathaniel..." Castiel called out to me.

"You're the last person I expected to see."

"I...I'm sorry for getting you involved in all of this. I said such awful things. I didn't mean them, I swear. I was so naiive."

"I'll admit it hurt but, you didn't who she really was." I smiled at him.

He wrapped his arms around me and squeezed me tightly. I could barely breathe because, of how tightly he was holding me. Not, that I minded. My face looked like a traffic light. I held onto him and squeezed him tightly not ever wanting to let go of him.

When, we ended our embrace. He saw the marks adorning my wrist. He pulled up my sleeves further. For, a moment he examined the deep marks.

"Why'd you hurt yourself?"

"Noone, cared about me. I feel stuck, my father is a bastard."

"You have me. I care about you... a lot." His cheek tinged pink. His words felt romantic and he seemed awfully embarrassed. This was pretty close to a confession.

He held me close to him. So, close that I could feel his body heat. I could hear his heart pounding against my chest. It was enough to make my heart stop. Then, my heart began beating like a hammer. I held my breathe. My whole body radiated red. Being this close to him was absolutely wonderful. I felt so alive. Castiel's not a touchy-feely kind of guy. For him to hold me like this, to me it seemed that he was trying to make a point. Maybe, he cares about me deeper than, just friendship. I'd like to think so.

I ended our embrace shyly. My cheeks had flushed a deep pink.

"I'm glad I came to see you. I probably won't be around for awhile. Don't miss me too much." He winked at me with a small smirk on his lips.

My blush darkened. "I'll miss you."

"Thank, you for telling me the truth. I wish I'd listened to you sooner. I know you set up the P.A system you crafty devil."

"Its, true. You know me so well. So, friends?"

"The best." He winked at me.

I winked back at him.

"For, the record. I'll miss you too." He smiled at me gently.

Then, he left without another word. It felt as if he had meant to tell me something else but, he couldn't.

I thought back to the way he had held me and smiled to myself. I wanted to chase after, Castiel and declare my love for him but, that was wishful thinking. I felt saddened by the fact that he wouldn't be around me for awhile. Its true, I do need you. Do you need me too? Stay close, don't go. Don't leave me all alone.

I really treasure our friendship. I'm happy with how things are as long as his happy. He just needs time to recover from the whole Deborah incident. After, all this is over. Where will that leave us? Can we ever be more than, this. The most perfect feeling in the world was when, you're hand was in mine. I felt so carefree. Before, you came along I never knew what this what feel like. The way you look at me makes my heart stop. Please, whatever you do, don't walk away from all of this. I need to know that its real.

To me, it feels like a dream. I thought I was living a nightmare until, I saw you in your true light. Its like to nothing to fear anymore. Well, there is one thing. The thought of losing you kills me. I don't want this to be another broken dream. I once lived a land of make-belief and played pretend. Now, I live in reality and its much better than, plastering on a smile and pretending to be okay. The last thing I want is for what we have to end. I can't bare to see you leave. Don't you realize what you mean to me?


End file.
